Initiate Plan B

I'm all about ready to quit life and ask for a refund. Its not like things are particularly bad, I'm just tired and I can't seem to get anything right. And even that is an over dramatization of the situation.

It's really not as big of a deal as I'm making it to be.

So, though I'm still able to withdraw, I think what I'm going to do, since I never did make that video I needed, is I'm going to finish this semester of Japanese, and than retake the second and third part of the course next semester, and if the teacher allows it, do that along side the fourth part of the course. I really don't care about grades, but I've missed so much material and I ought to go back and revisit certain subjects, like verbs.

the hardest part about all this is going to face my teacher after missing another 3 days of class, and still not having the assignment that I kept missing class to finish done. I want to show that I'm very serious about this class, but its hard to since I've barely been there. Before the flood happened, I was on top of all my homework and I went to class every time. Once things settled down, I just stayed in bed and hid. I'm not really proud of this, but I did that a lot last semester, and the semester before that. Every now and then, I get really nervous and frustrated about school and how I want to do well but I don't even want to be there. So I end up hiding up in my house for a week or to, and if I'm lucky, my teachers won't judge me for missing so much. However, Sensei has always been very strict about the assignments, and I don't want to get special treatment just because I'm having a bad day.

I'm using up all my focus for this damned math class, and its still kicking my ass.

what makes me even more frustrated is that I still haven't been able to draw like I used to. Its times like these that I'm stuck in a rut and facing a huge art block. I get so stressed out that I can't even draw, and I hate that the most.

I don't want to admit defeat just yet, but I ran out of ammunition two years ago and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now.

I just hope I can make it to class tomorrow. . .