What's my age again?

I suppose I can't put this off any longer. 

Work was absurd and draining, but it really got me thinking. . . 

My daily attitude changes on an hourly basis and depending on what I'm doing. Remember my post about consistency? My emotions are like that. It kind of goes in a cycle, happy, giddy, frustrated, grumpy, angry, spiteful, sad, mopey, and then nothing and it starts over again. I started today feeling rather bleh, and the first hour of work was so dead and boring that I just sat around and pouted. I didn't feel like drawing and my doodles of late have been only worthy of the trash bins I put them in. I got the chance to play my music in the kitchen, so I was kind of encouraged to stay (at least that's how I see it), so I switched sections with another server and kept working. As much as I wanted to leave and sit on my computer until I had to come back to work, I convinced myself to stay and keep taking tables. This proved to be an excellent idea because by some miracle, I had quite a few guests who really seemed to appreciate my work. So. . . Thank you, really. 

During the slower moments, I finally got a change to read yesterday's post from the blogger who I'm pretty much copying (in format, at least). She talked all about how much she loves fall and everything involving the autum months. I feel a lot of the same things towards that season, and it really make me look forward for the upcoming seasons. 

Here is the link if you want to read it http://scenesfromsmithpark.blogspot.com/2013/08/plum-rust-and-mustard.html

Mixing those odd nostalgic (if you can call it that) feelings with my melancholy state gave me the inspiration for this post (which has been long overdue). There are some days where I want nothing more than to piddle around on the floor, ignoring the responsibilities of my adult life, and eat with my hands. During my more childish moments, I feel like my greatest accomplishment of the day is the fact that I can dress myself and take care of my own bodily functions. It's odd, because that "mentality" I slip into is often accompanies by either extreme joy, silliness, happiness, and over all good feelings, or it is when I am the most. . . sad, depressed, mopey, or any other synonyms for the emotion of 'grey'. 

On the other end of that scale, I sometimes also feel like I'm 30 and have all these responsibilities that I am perfect at taking care of and I'm mature. I feel like I'm surrounded by 'children' and that everything would be easier if people would listen to the things I tell them and learn how to think for themselves. This mindset usually comes about when I'm dealing with stressful situations or I'm frustrated, or if I'm really angry about someone of something. 

All in all, the thing that gets me the most is how I view myself when it comes to joining in the adult world. Things like mortgages and buying a car and complex taxes scare the living daylight out of me, while of the other hand I feel like I'm perfectly capable of rasing another human being. (While a lot of that whole process still scares me and I'm unsure of whether or not I'm 'ready'). I've been floating on this line of vagueness where I don't really know what I want to do or what I'll be able to do. 

Part of me wants to get my shit together and tackle life head on, starting with actually exercising everyday and getting back in shape. And the other part of me wants to grab desert and just let the world flow by me as I wrap myself in a blanket and play video games all day. I really am my own worst enemy sometimes. . . 

Ok. It's bedtime now.

See you tomorrow at some point.