about a year ago today was the day when we were washed out of our home. That morning, I vividly remember being ankle deep in water, standing in my living room, trying to do anything to save my house, though it was all for not. Who knew that three days of relatively nonstop rain would end up causing so much damage and despair for so many people?
well, here we are again. It has been one hell of a year and the nightmare may not be completely over, since even now we are still living in limbo.
it was odd that all of today it was pretty much misty and drizzling. It was a very cold day, and there is even a possibility of snow sometimes in the morning. To be honest, I loved the weather today.
I don't want to forever be weary of storms or large amounts of rain. I don't completely trust the weather, but its not something that activity goes out of it's way to cause destruction. It just does what it does.
I look forward to seeing what will happen next, and I still can't wait to have a home again, or at least live in a place that has more than just concrete floors.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Thursday, August 21, 2014
I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered
what happened to make things come to this? Out if everything that has happened within the last year, o wasn't expecting to end up here, though it wasn't a surprise and I had time to plan.
within the last two months, we have lost two of our dear family pets. Their age and health did not leave them in the best condition, but they held on as long as they could.
on the other hand, my mother has had to see the frontlines of this disaster and has had to face it by herself. If I was able, I would love nothing more than to be close to her to help her through this emotionally taxing process. Even with the wonderful support she has been receiving from her friends, she still could use just the extra human to help out around the house.
she often compared what it was like dealing with two sickly cats to my work. However, since she was dealing with it at home, it was something that was around her constantly. I get the chance to go home and walk away from the stress and sadness, but she lived in it.
I am trying to think of the positives of the situation, though as painful as they may be, they do exist. When one door closes, another opens, right?
I just hope things settle down for a while for my mother, she could use a break.
life for all of us should return to some form of normalcy and stability in due time, but until then, all we can do is bide our time and hold out hope.
within the last two months, we have lost two of our dear family pets. Their age and health did not leave them in the best condition, but they held on as long as they could.
on the other hand, my mother has had to see the frontlines of this disaster and has had to face it by herself. If I was able, I would love nothing more than to be close to her to help her through this emotionally taxing process. Even with the wonderful support she has been receiving from her friends, she still could use just the extra human to help out around the house.
she often compared what it was like dealing with two sickly cats to my work. However, since she was dealing with it at home, it was something that was around her constantly. I get the chance to go home and walk away from the stress and sadness, but she lived in it.
I am trying to think of the positives of the situation, though as painful as they may be, they do exist. When one door closes, another opens, right?
I just hope things settle down for a while for my mother, she could use a break.
life for all of us should return to some form of normalcy and stability in due time, but until then, all we can do is bide our time and hold out hope.
Monday, July 28, 2014
I've got 99 problems thay can all be solved with money
"and the other one problem is how to get money."
hey, how about I make a monthly update here and there? Ok, so its been over a month since my last post but I don't care.
quite a lot has happened since I last said anything, so I don't know where to start. For my birthday I went to a Nerf gun fight with a handful of people, including the friend I made the other day, and things were going great until he broke his arm. Its pretty much healed now, and he's handled everything really well! We hang out a lot and watch anime and let's plays, which is awesome!
my job has been going... so so. I've been working pretty much nonstop and as a lead, it keeps me super busy. There are a lot of ups and downs, I have good days and bad, but I am still happy to be where I am.
my editor comes home some time next month and I could not be more excited!!! I know I only visited him for the 4th of July, but I still miss him like crazy.
this next month is going to be exciting and busy! They are FINALLY replacing the old and leaky decks above the larger bedrooms in the condos. They start Wednesday. The new construction company who will be working with us will be in contact starting on the first, and we have to have a plan of what we want in the condo by the 15th. Then they can start whatever work sometime after that, and maybe, just maybe it will be completed before my father returns in the late fall. Not to mention that my sister is leaving for California at the end of the month! And on top of that, one of my cousins is getting married!
things are really looking up, and I couldn't be happier!
lets hope I can make it through all this.
hey, how about I make a monthly update here and there? Ok, so its been over a month since my last post but I don't care.
quite a lot has happened since I last said anything, so I don't know where to start. For my birthday I went to a Nerf gun fight with a handful of people, including the friend I made the other day, and things were going great until he broke his arm. Its pretty much healed now, and he's handled everything really well! We hang out a lot and watch anime and let's plays, which is awesome!
my job has been going... so so. I've been working pretty much nonstop and as a lead, it keeps me super busy. There are a lot of ups and downs, I have good days and bad, but I am still happy to be where I am.
my editor comes home some time next month and I could not be more excited!!! I know I only visited him for the 4th of July, but I still miss him like crazy.
this next month is going to be exciting and busy! They are FINALLY replacing the old and leaky decks above the larger bedrooms in the condos. They start Wednesday. The new construction company who will be working with us will be in contact starting on the first, and we have to have a plan of what we want in the condo by the 15th. Then they can start whatever work sometime after that, and maybe, just maybe it will be completed before my father returns in the late fall. Not to mention that my sister is leaving for California at the end of the month! And on top of that, one of my cousins is getting married!
things are really looking up, and I couldn't be happier!
lets hope I can make it through all this.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Again and again and agin
So here we are, a full year later. So much has happened that I can barely remember where we were a year ago. Since it is something that I've rehashed over and over, I'll spare you the rant.
I'm 23 now, isn't that supposed to mean something? I'm not even sure. As long as I still exist in this limbo, I don't know if I'll be able to answer that.
However, if there is anything that I am certain of, it is how grateful I am for everything I have and for everyone I know. I could not be happier to have had been born to the most wonderful parents, who have help me so much all thoughout my life, and whom I am proud to consider friends. I am thankful to have an exciting sister, who though we have our differences, has been by my side for as long as I can remember. To have an irrlaceable collection of friends who might as well be family, who with ought, my life would be incredibally dull.
And I am eternally grateful to have a person such as my editor by my side, who, thoughout all our stuggles and strife, and despite having our lives torn apart, our relationship has only become stronger.
Throughout this year, I have had grand adventures, I have made terrible mistakes, I have changed and adapted to the ever changing world around me whether I wanted to or not. There is a lot I have to apologize for, and there are even more things I have to be proud of. All of these things would not have been possible if it weren't for the support of those around me.
With all my heart,
Thank you.
-Veronica.
(Ps, happy birthday to me!)
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
a CATastrophy
So there i was, i had laid down to take a short nap and Huxley was snuggling with me
i was only asleep for about an hour, when i woke up to my sister's dog jumping on my, trying to eat a bee which had flown into my room.
i only left the window open a little to let in some air, but apparently while i was napping, someone pushed the screen down. i saw Huxley attempting to go out, but her sister, Winny was on the other side.
i sat up and looked at her, asked her what she was doing and why she was outside, she mewed at me. i wasn't able to pull her back in, so i put on shoes and walked outside to close the window and retrieve Winny.
I also noticed that Huxley was the only cat left in the house. oh boy.
While on my way to get Winny, i saw Abbey over in the neighbor's shrubs. she wasn't going anywhere, so i let her be. I got Winny inside after some struggle, and went after Abbey, and she ran right for me, knowing she was doing something she wasn't supposed to. but rather than go to the door, she ran all the way to the window, twice, to be let in. i already sealed it, and since she refused to go through the door, i opened the screen back up so she could sneak back inside.
now the hard part, where was Rio. that boy is known for roaming far when he does go out, but i found him on the other side of the building with his head in some flowers.
we're all back inside and i am a little more alert now, at least my cats had fun today...
i was only asleep for about an hour, when i woke up to my sister's dog jumping on my, trying to eat a bee which had flown into my room.
i only left the window open a little to let in some air, but apparently while i was napping, someone pushed the screen down. i saw Huxley attempting to go out, but her sister, Winny was on the other side.
i sat up and looked at her, asked her what she was doing and why she was outside, she mewed at me. i wasn't able to pull her back in, so i put on shoes and walked outside to close the window and retrieve Winny.
I also noticed that Huxley was the only cat left in the house. oh boy.
While on my way to get Winny, i saw Abbey over in the neighbor's shrubs. she wasn't going anywhere, so i let her be. I got Winny inside after some struggle, and went after Abbey, and she ran right for me, knowing she was doing something she wasn't supposed to. but rather than go to the door, she ran all the way to the window, twice, to be let in. i already sealed it, and since she refused to go through the door, i opened the screen back up so she could sneak back inside.
now the hard part, where was Rio. that boy is known for roaming far when he does go out, but i found him on the other side of the building with his head in some flowers.
we're all back inside and i am a little more alert now, at least my cats had fun today...
Monday, June 9, 2014
heartache by the numbers
(no reason for the title, just a song stuck in my head).
so, last week, I was getting ready to have my usual Monday shift followed by an overnight shift. However, that morning around 6, I got a call from my work asking me to come in for the morning shift too. At first I declined because I had already worked the whole weekend and would go into overtime if I did pick it up, not to mention that meant I'd be working a full 24 hours, which is kinda illegal. However, they said they would try and cover one of those shifts, so I called them back and went into work. After all, I was about to have 5 days off, might as well make the best of it by working to death.
why do I torture myself like this?
it turned into a very long day, because no one else wanted to it was able to stay later or work extra, except for the person who called me in. Thanks to her, I was able to take 4 hours off to run a few errands, and while I was out I lost my necklace pendant. I found that out right before I had to go back for work, so I couldn't go back and look. I was so upset that I lost it. My editor gave that pendant to me for our first Christmas together, and I hadn't taken it off since.
I still never found it.
anyway, I proceeded to work for the next 11 hours or so, having a so so night. And by the time I went to bed I was ready to collapse. It was a stressful day, especially when my coworkers got on my nerves from saying some less than savory things about the residents.
so I spent the next two days floating and flailing in the pool, where I made myself so sunburnt that I actually got sick. Woo, go me.
I stayed in bed for another day or two, playing animal crossing until my arms fell off (it was worth it). I feel I got a lot accomplished in that little virtual world. After I got sick of playing, I cleaned up a little and used my last day off devoted to drawing out an idea that I thought of last Sunday.
the Achievement Hunter guys in the Attack on Titan uniforms, hell yeah!!! So far, I've only got one more to finish, but I won't be able to work on it until tomorrow night, probably. The amount of detail that is put into this uniform, specifically the 3 dimensional mobility gear they use for plot reasons, is so insanely hard to draw, but after I did it once I couldn't stop. I only intended to draw it twice, but I did it four times! (the other two get rifles, which are also impossible for me to draw). I'm just really happy with how they look, (and so is tumblr!)
the next few days are going to be interesting. I've got more training to do for work, and then another long work filled weekend. Oh, then next week is my birthday (and the one year anniversary of this blog). Where does the time go?
at least I get to visit my editor at the start of next month. I can't wait.
so, last week, I was getting ready to have my usual Monday shift followed by an overnight shift. However, that morning around 6, I got a call from my work asking me to come in for the morning shift too. At first I declined because I had already worked the whole weekend and would go into overtime if I did pick it up, not to mention that meant I'd be working a full 24 hours, which is kinda illegal. However, they said they would try and cover one of those shifts, so I called them back and went into work. After all, I was about to have 5 days off, might as well make the best of it by working to death.
why do I torture myself like this?
it turned into a very long day, because no one else wanted to it was able to stay later or work extra, except for the person who called me in. Thanks to her, I was able to take 4 hours off to run a few errands, and while I was out I lost my necklace pendant. I found that out right before I had to go back for work, so I couldn't go back and look. I was so upset that I lost it. My editor gave that pendant to me for our first Christmas together, and I hadn't taken it off since.
I still never found it.
anyway, I proceeded to work for the next 11 hours or so, having a so so night. And by the time I went to bed I was ready to collapse. It was a stressful day, especially when my coworkers got on my nerves from saying some less than savory things about the residents.
so I spent the next two days floating and flailing in the pool, where I made myself so sunburnt that I actually got sick. Woo, go me.
I stayed in bed for another day or two, playing animal crossing until my arms fell off (it was worth it). I feel I got a lot accomplished in that little virtual world. After I got sick of playing, I cleaned up a little and used my last day off devoted to drawing out an idea that I thought of last Sunday.
the Achievement Hunter guys in the Attack on Titan uniforms, hell yeah!!! So far, I've only got one more to finish, but I won't be able to work on it until tomorrow night, probably. The amount of detail that is put into this uniform, specifically the 3 dimensional mobility gear they use for plot reasons, is so insanely hard to draw, but after I did it once I couldn't stop. I only intended to draw it twice, but I did it four times! (the other two get rifles, which are also impossible for me to draw). I'm just really happy with how they look, (and so is tumblr!)
the next few days are going to be interesting. I've got more training to do for work, and then another long work filled weekend. Oh, then next week is my birthday (and the one year anniversary of this blog). Where does the time go?
at least I get to visit my editor at the start of next month. I can't wait.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
caught
maybe its because the details of my situation, but I'm finding my watching shows like "house hunters" and whatnot a lot more than usual. Its gotten to the point where I stopped myself and asked"since when did I become my mom?"
I long for the day when I will have my home back, and its not like its a secret, its all I talk about. I've got a brilliant plan for how I want to arrange everything and my editor is completely on board with all of my ideas, as long as he can display the authentic recreation of roman armor he plans to get. (don't ask.)
its nice to day dream, but I'm ready for life to return to some form of stable, because I'm ready to settle down. Then I can save up money for adventures! Hahaha!
since when did I become old?
I long for the day when I will have my home back, and its not like its a secret, its all I talk about. I've got a brilliant plan for how I want to arrange everything and my editor is completely on board with all of my ideas, as long as he can display the authentic recreation of roman armor he plans to get. (don't ask.)
its nice to day dream, but I'm ready for life to return to some form of stable, because I'm ready to settle down. Then I can save up money for adventures! Hahaha!
since when did I become old?
Saturday, May 31, 2014
every day that you want to waste
so, what, its been another two weeks (I think), and I haven't said much of anything.
not for lack of trying, I just haven't really had anything that fantastic to say. No, wait, actually yes. There was that one day where I walked 10 miles for the hell of it. And last weekend where I went to the creek festival and it was awesome. And how now that the pools are open I've already burnt myself to a crisp.
so far, summer has been really great! I've been working a lot, and yet I still have some time off. I've got my raise so when I work certain shifts I get a little extra, which is nice. And everything has just been good.
its the rainy season again and I'm loving every minute of it, though I am still cautious. We got our garage door replaced, but still no other work on the condos, which makes me sad. I'm really hoping that something happens soon, whether that is the HOA finding the work and funds to fix it, or me winning the lottery. I would like the latter to happen, but its more likely that I'll get struck by lightning.
my evil artist brain is getting the best of me and I'm loving every second of it too. So much art, so little time.
speaking of which, I have something to work on tonight, tee hee.
oh yeah, and its almost June.
not for lack of trying, I just haven't really had anything that fantastic to say. No, wait, actually yes. There was that one day where I walked 10 miles for the hell of it. And last weekend where I went to the creek festival and it was awesome. And how now that the pools are open I've already burnt myself to a crisp.
so far, summer has been really great! I've been working a lot, and yet I still have some time off. I've got my raise so when I work certain shifts I get a little extra, which is nice. And everything has just been good.
its the rainy season again and I'm loving every minute of it, though I am still cautious. We got our garage door replaced, but still no other work on the condos, which makes me sad. I'm really hoping that something happens soon, whether that is the HOA finding the work and funds to fix it, or me winning the lottery. I would like the latter to happen, but its more likely that I'll get struck by lightning.
my evil artist brain is getting the best of me and I'm loving every second of it too. So much art, so little time.
speaking of which, I have something to work on tonight, tee hee.
oh yeah, and its almost June.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Shreds
as a kid, I was often called "Vron the Destroyer" because everything that came across my path usually ended up in a damaged state. I wouldn't say it was because I was a generally angry kid or was malicious, it was just something that happened.
if that was a premonition for part of my adult life, well, I don't know what to say. When I get stuck in these melancholy moods, everything goes out the window. When I get grumpy, I'm ready to let everything burn, and even laugh in the process.
i have to stop and remind myself why it is a Terrible idea and to NOT get caught in the negativity. Its a big inner struggle and the only way to really counter it is to blast music and go on a walk. I usually return from these walks rather mopey and feeling silly.
the moral of the story is that being an adult is hard.
if that was a premonition for part of my adult life, well, I don't know what to say. When I get stuck in these melancholy moods, everything goes out the window. When I get grumpy, I'm ready to let everything burn, and even laugh in the process.
i have to stop and remind myself why it is a Terrible idea and to NOT get caught in the negativity. Its a big inner struggle and the only way to really counter it is to blast music and go on a walk. I usually return from these walks rather mopey and feeling silly.
the moral of the story is that being an adult is hard.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
The Rhythm of my life
If this past week was at all a sign of how summer is going to turn out, I really won't miss it when it flies by. It was a lot of wake up: work: go to bed: rinse and repeat. Not that it was a bad thing, just, busy. I got called into work of both my days off, and luckily I need the hours otherwise I would have said no. But if I had stayed home, I doubt I would have done much else.
I have been drawing more lately, which is good. Actually, on that subject, I posted a picture I drew on tumblr, and it has exploded with views, 1069 last I checked, and that makes me happier than you can imagine. Mind you, its just a traced over photo, but it took a long time and I'm just very happy with it.
however, right now I'm feeling all sorts of weird and I don't know why. Maybe it's because its spring. Maybe because I'm tired. I honestly don't know. But its making existing rather difficult. It'll go away soon enough, but until then I'll just sit and mope.
at least everything is going well at work...
I have been drawing more lately, which is good. Actually, on that subject, I posted a picture I drew on tumblr, and it has exploded with views, 1069 last I checked, and that makes me happier than you can imagine. Mind you, its just a traced over photo, but it took a long time and I'm just very happy with it.
however, right now I'm feeling all sorts of weird and I don't know why. Maybe it's because its spring. Maybe because I'm tired. I honestly don't know. But its making existing rather difficult. It'll go away soon enough, but until then I'll just sit and mope.
at least everything is going well at work...
Friday, May 9, 2014
FINALS WEEK
its done, its over!
now lets hope I actually graduate and never have to set foot in a classroom again (unless I want to).
even though all the progress that I was hoping to have happened, didn't, I'm still looking forward to the summer. We'll see how well everything goes, but no promises on them...
now if only I can get my work schedule the way I want it...
now lets hope I actually graduate and never have to set foot in a classroom again (unless I want to).
even though all the progress that I was hoping to have happened, didn't, I'm still looking forward to the summer. We'll see how well everything goes, but no promises on them...
now if only I can get my work schedule the way I want it...
Monday, May 5, 2014
Operation: Rescue
So, just over two weeks ago, it was Easter. All the 420/JustBlaze jokes aside, it was a decent day. It was the last full day I had with my editor and we spent all of it sitting around doing nothing, and by doing nothing, I meant caching up on videos he's missed.
What I had intended to do for that day was write the following, but I didn't because laziness.
two years prior, while I was still living in new Mexico with my parents, this Easter happened.
I forget why, but my mother was out of town for the weekend and my father had to go up to Colorado to retrieve the vehicle that my sister broke (or something like that, it was broken and fixed like a million times and once again broke about two weeks after she got it). So my dad went back to get it. He had planned to be back before Sunday and we were going to go to the Easter brunch that the military base always hosts.
I remember I was watching The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya at the time when my dad called. He said that he was sorry, and wasn't going to be able to go to brunch with me because his truck broke down. What had happened was that while towing the vehicle my sister broke, his transmission failed and had to get towed back to where my sister lived. I said it was ok, and once we hung up, I went back to my show.
I thought about it for maybe a minute, and then called my dad back. I had gotten my drivers license that winter, and since my mom was out of town, I could take her car and bring my father back. When I told him, he apparently had the same idea, so it was decided that I was to meet him in a town that was about 3/4 if the way there. Roughly a 6 hour drive.
so on Easter morning, I woke up at 7, and left town. He and my sister were going to meet with my dad's side of the family for their get together, and leave after that. This was my first time driving by myself for such a long distance, so it was quite an adventure.
I soon passed the first couple city landmarks, letting my dad know my progress with each stop. I has just gotten gas at the "halfway" point when i asked to see where they were on the road. They hadn't even left. So i just kept driver further and further, and they still hadn't left. Eventually, i just ended up driving into town, and i just met them at my uncle's house.
Not only was everyone surprised to see me, they were impressed that I made the trip so quickly.
you see, typically, it is an 8 to 9 hour drive, and I made it in about 6. I may or may not have been going a little faster than I should have been, but to be fair, I thought that it was an emergency.
eventually, everything got worked out and my dad and I made it back safely. It was a fun trip, and I am always reminded of it when I have to make that drive.
I've learned not to drive so fast, but I'm not much better...
What I had intended to do for that day was write the following, but I didn't because laziness.
two years prior, while I was still living in new Mexico with my parents, this Easter happened.
I forget why, but my mother was out of town for the weekend and my father had to go up to Colorado to retrieve the vehicle that my sister broke (or something like that, it was broken and fixed like a million times and once again broke about two weeks after she got it). So my dad went back to get it. He had planned to be back before Sunday and we were going to go to the Easter brunch that the military base always hosts.
I remember I was watching The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya at the time when my dad called. He said that he was sorry, and wasn't going to be able to go to brunch with me because his truck broke down. What had happened was that while towing the vehicle my sister broke, his transmission failed and had to get towed back to where my sister lived. I said it was ok, and once we hung up, I went back to my show.
I thought about it for maybe a minute, and then called my dad back. I had gotten my drivers license that winter, and since my mom was out of town, I could take her car and bring my father back. When I told him, he apparently had the same idea, so it was decided that I was to meet him in a town that was about 3/4 if the way there. Roughly a 6 hour drive.
so on Easter morning, I woke up at 7, and left town. He and my sister were going to meet with my dad's side of the family for their get together, and leave after that. This was my first time driving by myself for such a long distance, so it was quite an adventure.
I soon passed the first couple city landmarks, letting my dad know my progress with each stop. I has just gotten gas at the "halfway" point when i asked to see where they were on the road. They hadn't even left. So i just kept driver further and further, and they still hadn't left. Eventually, i just ended up driving into town, and i just met them at my uncle's house.
Not only was everyone surprised to see me, they were impressed that I made the trip so quickly.
you see, typically, it is an 8 to 9 hour drive, and I made it in about 6. I may or may not have been going a little faster than I should have been, but to be fair, I thought that it was an emergency.
eventually, everything got worked out and my dad and I made it back safely. It was a fun trip, and I am always reminded of it when I have to make that drive.
I've learned not to drive so fast, but I'm not much better...
Friday, May 2, 2014
plotting
sometime before I moved here, about 3 years ago, I remember getting off of work and deciding that I wanted to drive down and surprise my editor where he lived. It was only an hour and a half drive, so it was totally doable for a weekend. The problem was that my mom and I had barely done any packing and because of that she told me I couldn't go.
she used the office closest as an example, because it was full of clutter and crap and hadn't been cleaned in two years. I took that as a challenge. I obliterated that closet in one night, packing it and organizing it so that it was done. Once I finished it, she really had no other choice but to let me go on my trip (I'm pretty sure it was the next day).
I remember leaving town and driving down that familiar road, excited to surprise my editor. We had only been together about two months at that time. I rolled into town, and tried to be as sneaky as possible, hoping that I wouldn't get spotted by someone who knew me.
I knew my editor was at work at the time, but was going to get off soon. If his roommate was home, I'd just tell him my plan, and if not, I'd wait on the porch. Luckily, he was home, so I didn't have to sit outside.
he had the evil idea to film my editor as he came home from work, and then put it on the internet. When the time came, my editor walked in, greeted his roommates and saw me. He was holding some grocery bags and dropped them on the floor, rushing over to hug me.
because of what I pulled off two weeks ago (and posted about yesterday), this may seem like a very similar story. Well, its kind of the same thing. And because of what I did way back when, my sudden appearance a few weeks ago was not that much of a surprise, but anticipated.
it still was totally worth it.
she used the office closest as an example, because it was full of clutter and crap and hadn't been cleaned in two years. I took that as a challenge. I obliterated that closet in one night, packing it and organizing it so that it was done. Once I finished it, she really had no other choice but to let me go on my trip (I'm pretty sure it was the next day).
I remember leaving town and driving down that familiar road, excited to surprise my editor. We had only been together about two months at that time. I rolled into town, and tried to be as sneaky as possible, hoping that I wouldn't get spotted by someone who knew me.
I knew my editor was at work at the time, but was going to get off soon. If his roommate was home, I'd just tell him my plan, and if not, I'd wait on the porch. Luckily, he was home, so I didn't have to sit outside.
he had the evil idea to film my editor as he came home from work, and then put it on the internet. When the time came, my editor walked in, greeted his roommates and saw me. He was holding some grocery bags and dropped them on the floor, rushing over to hug me.
because of what I pulled off two weeks ago (and posted about yesterday), this may seem like a very similar story. Well, its kind of the same thing. And because of what I did way back when, my sudden appearance a few weeks ago was not that much of a surprise, but anticipated.
it still was totally worth it.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
The Great Escape
So remember how in one of my last post (about two weeks ago, if I am correct), I said that I wouldn't promise that I wouldn't do anything too crazy?
well, I lied.
After work on thursday night, I packed up a weekend's worth of close and drove south, not just like the other town south, more like 500 miles south. I want you to believe that it was a spontaneous thing and I just acted on impulse, but that would not be true at all. I planned it, all of it, because I am an evil genius, (obviously). I left a little after midnight and drove about 4 hours before I resided myself to exhaustion. It is technically the half-way point between my home and my destination, so I knew I was making good time. I slept in my car for about two hours and eventually woke up because the sun was too bright, so I kept driving.
It was an absolute perfect drive, very smooth and the weather was good. as soon as I got into the desert, I felt an overwhelming sense of something, but I can't exactly figure out what it is, it was nice though.
Not long after, I arrived at my destination, but that was when my mission really began. I had one goal to maintain, and that was stealth. Now, I know what you are thinking, why would I drive 500 miles in the middle of the night and go sneaking around another town? well, it was a surprise, and I love surprises. As you know, my editor is currently in an internship down in this said town, and though it was barely a month since his visit, I still went to see him again. yeah, go a head, call me creepy, I don't care.
Here was my plan, I was going to enter the museum where he works, walk up to the area of the museum where you can see into the lab where he would be, take a picture of him working, send it to him, and wait for him to explode with confusion. Thus, revealing my presence and executing operation "surprise!" This relied heavily on two things. One, was my editor's poor attention span, which I often take advantage of to play jokes on him (usually with him ending up with several mouseytoys in his pockets). The second is my ability to disguise myself and generally be sneaky. Seriously, if I change a small aspect of my appearance, no one can recognize me, its weird.
Everything was going according to plan, but I was too early, the museum wasn't even open and my editor was still at his apartment. So I drove around for a little while and tried to play it cool. Once I returned, I parked on a side of the museum where he wouldn't see my car. I made it into the building, payed my fare, made small talk with the clerk, and went into the gallery. This is where things didn't work out as I hoped. I waited around for a good half hour, waiting for him to show up in the lab. I saw him briefly in the little office on the side with his good friend (the one who visited us back in the summer), and they were looking at something on the computer. I waited and waited, taking various selfies in front of several dinosaur statues, but still he wouldn't show up. i eventually got tired of waiting when I took a picture of his friend on the computer and sent it to him. The picture was a little hard to decipher, but he got it, but not before the curator of the museum found me, but she did't tell my editor I was there, thanks to my request, though I might have made her worry a little.
I walked back to the window area that looks into the lab and saw my editor looking very confused. He saw me and immediately knew what was going on. I tried hiding, but I couldn't stop giggling, which eventually gave me away. It was a very worth while trip, but I will tell the details of that later. Besides that little hiccup, my plan worked perfectly! Of course, this is not the first time I've done something like this, but that will also be saved for later.
Until then. . .
well, I lied.
After work on thursday night, I packed up a weekend's worth of close and drove south, not just like the other town south, more like 500 miles south. I want you to believe that it was a spontaneous thing and I just acted on impulse, but that would not be true at all. I planned it, all of it, because I am an evil genius, (obviously). I left a little after midnight and drove about 4 hours before I resided myself to exhaustion. It is technically the half-way point between my home and my destination, so I knew I was making good time. I slept in my car for about two hours and eventually woke up because the sun was too bright, so I kept driving.
It was an absolute perfect drive, very smooth and the weather was good. as soon as I got into the desert, I felt an overwhelming sense of something, but I can't exactly figure out what it is, it was nice though.
Not long after, I arrived at my destination, but that was when my mission really began. I had one goal to maintain, and that was stealth. Now, I know what you are thinking, why would I drive 500 miles in the middle of the night and go sneaking around another town? well, it was a surprise, and I love surprises. As you know, my editor is currently in an internship down in this said town, and though it was barely a month since his visit, I still went to see him again. yeah, go a head, call me creepy, I don't care.
Here was my plan, I was going to enter the museum where he works, walk up to the area of the museum where you can see into the lab where he would be, take a picture of him working, send it to him, and wait for him to explode with confusion. Thus, revealing my presence and executing operation "surprise!" This relied heavily on two things. One, was my editor's poor attention span, which I often take advantage of to play jokes on him (usually with him ending up with several mouseytoys in his pockets). The second is my ability to disguise myself and generally be sneaky. Seriously, if I change a small aspect of my appearance, no one can recognize me, its weird.
Everything was going according to plan, but I was too early, the museum wasn't even open and my editor was still at his apartment. So I drove around for a little while and tried to play it cool. Once I returned, I parked on a side of the museum where he wouldn't see my car. I made it into the building, payed my fare, made small talk with the clerk, and went into the gallery. This is where things didn't work out as I hoped. I waited around for a good half hour, waiting for him to show up in the lab. I saw him briefly in the little office on the side with his good friend (the one who visited us back in the summer), and they were looking at something on the computer. I waited and waited, taking various selfies in front of several dinosaur statues, but still he wouldn't show up. i eventually got tired of waiting when I took a picture of his friend on the computer and sent it to him. The picture was a little hard to decipher, but he got it, but not before the curator of the museum found me, but she did't tell my editor I was there, thanks to my request, though I might have made her worry a little.
I walked back to the window area that looks into the lab and saw my editor looking very confused. He saw me and immediately knew what was going on. I tried hiding, but I couldn't stop giggling, which eventually gave me away. It was a very worth while trip, but I will tell the details of that later. Besides that little hiccup, my plan worked perfectly! Of course, this is not the first time I've done something like this, but that will also be saved for later.
Until then. . .
Monday, April 28, 2014
Wow, that was fast.
What happened? Last i checked it was the beginning of April and i was excited because i finally had drywall in my house. now its almost the end of the month and I'm losing my mind (again).
but where were we the last time I posted anything? well, funny you ask, because i have a whole plethora of stories to tell. and as always, i mean to post about them the day of or day after, but you should know me enough by now to expect nothing less than a bit late.
yeah, i procrastinate, what of it?
what was that?
school is ending in two weeks?
. . .
oh shit.
but where were we the last time I posted anything? well, funny you ask, because i have a whole plethora of stories to tell. and as always, i mean to post about them the day of or day after, but you should know me enough by now to expect nothing less than a bit late.
yeah, i procrastinate, what of it?
what was that?
school is ending in two weeks?
. . .
oh shit.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
I'll send an SOS to the world, I'll send an SOS to the world
before my cabin fever completely takes control over me, allow me to share some good news with you.
as I was returning from school today I received a call from my mom saying she was in touch with the people who are rebuilding my apartment. They are getting to the point where they are putting the flooring in soon. I saw they had nearly finished the drywall yesterday, so this is excellent news!
everything is coming up on me so fast, I don't know what to do. 3 weeks of school left, and if I can get my things together, I will be completely done with school. And now I will be moving back into my home soon too? Maybe I should go buy a lottery ticket and test the rest of my luck.
its going to be a busy week. I just hope I can keep myself composed.
as I was returning from school today I received a call from my mom saying she was in touch with the people who are rebuilding my apartment. They are getting to the point where they are putting the flooring in soon. I saw they had nearly finished the drywall yesterday, so this is excellent news!
everything is coming up on me so fast, I don't know what to do. 3 weeks of school left, and if I can get my things together, I will be completely done with school. And now I will be moving back into my home soon too? Maybe I should go buy a lottery ticket and test the rest of my luck.
its going to be a busy week. I just hope I can keep myself composed.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
movin on up
wow. Where did this week go? I know it's only been a few days, but I feel like this whole week has disappeared. Am I just stuck in a time paradox again, cause that happens from time to time.
in other news, I've started my "lead" training today, and not a whole lot has happened. I mean, everything I've done today is stuff I already knew, the most significant thing I've done was help restock and rearrange a storage closet.
I can't quite remember if there was something I was wanting to write about, I feel like there was but its anyone's guess now.
another scary fact: less than a month of school left. WHERE DID THE TIME GO?!?
I just ought to take it easy for a while, not do anything crazy. No promises, though.
in other news, I've started my "lead" training today, and not a whole lot has happened. I mean, everything I've done today is stuff I already knew, the most significant thing I've done was help restock and rearrange a storage closet.
I can't quite remember if there was something I was wanting to write about, I feel like there was but its anyone's guess now.
another scary fact: less than a month of school left. WHERE DID THE TIME GO?!?
I just ought to take it easy for a while, not do anything crazy. No promises, though.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Well you got what you wanted, was what you want what you got?
this past weekend, I've calculated the pros and cons of doing the meds shift. Let me list a few:
pros:
more pay
not as tight as a schedule
opportunity to listen to music
more chances to get to know the residents
not as much "dirty" work
cons:
a lot of pressure to have everything done on time
you are completely alone
big consequences if you make a mistake
everyone asks you for advice on things you are just as clueless about
a lot of responsibility
not too bad, but you get the picture.
I do like the shift, its just a bit scary if you don't know what to do. More than anything, I need it because I'm training to be a "lead" this next weekend. I'm really nervous about it, but than again I am excited because I'm able to be more useful. A new position will definitely make the job more meaningful, but I don't know if I will actually work any of these shifts unless someone needs a cover. Oh well, experience is experience.
its hard to imagine that I've only been here 6 months and I'm already climbing up the ladder. I scare myself sometimes with how much I end up doing. Halp?
pros:
more pay
not as tight as a schedule
opportunity to listen to music
more chances to get to know the residents
not as much "dirty" work
cons:
a lot of pressure to have everything done on time
you are completely alone
big consequences if you make a mistake
everyone asks you for advice on things you are just as clueless about
a lot of responsibility
not too bad, but you get the picture.
I do like the shift, its just a bit scary if you don't know what to do. More than anything, I need it because I'm training to be a "lead" this next weekend. I'm really nervous about it, but than again I am excited because I'm able to be more useful. A new position will definitely make the job more meaningful, but I don't know if I will actually work any of these shifts unless someone needs a cover. Oh well, experience is experience.
its hard to imagine that I've only been here 6 months and I'm already climbing up the ladder. I scare myself sometimes with how much I end up doing. Halp?
Saturday, April 12, 2014
so excuse me for forgetting, but these things i do...
life has a way of getting you worked up and bringing you down at the same time. Within the last week or so, we lost 3 of our residents, two of whom I was familiar with, the other was one I wanted to get to know. I don't know if it hurts less than I thought because we all were expecting these people to pass on, or if I have just gotten used to the feeling.
I mentioned last time about a dream I had and what it's incoherent message meant to me, and I think that its because I feel so encouraged by my own subconscious that I'm able to bounce back from when I'm feeling down.
(was that even English?)
after school on Tuesday, I drove out into the mountains just because I could. I got the feeling like I didn't want to go home but I didn't know where else to go. I needed to feel like I was going somewhere, so I did. The drive was beautiful and really helped me feel better.
all this weekend im doing some big training for work, so I don't really have time to think about posts, but I'll manage.
I mentioned last time about a dream I had and what it's incoherent message meant to me, and I think that its because I feel so encouraged by my own subconscious that I'm able to bounce back from when I'm feeling down.
(was that even English?)
after school on Tuesday, I drove out into the mountains just because I could. I got the feeling like I didn't want to go home but I didn't know where else to go. I needed to feel like I was going somewhere, so I did. The drive was beautiful and really helped me feel better.
all this weekend im doing some big training for work, so I don't really have time to think about posts, but I'll manage.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
One more time, One more chance.
once again, I found myself having a rather interesting dream last night. It was rather odd, and involved quite a large amount of time travel. Bare with me here, it made sense in the dream.
for whatever reason, I kept traveling back in time to various points in my grade school years. I don't remember why or what I was trying to accomplish, but I had a bit of a realization when I arrived in a somewhat skewed version of my sophomore year. It didn't matter to me if I was able to change anything that already happened or fix a mistake, I was just glad to see the people who I knew back then.
people who I have long since lost contact with, or even those who aren't here anymore, getting the chance to see them and talk with them was enough.
when I woke up, I felt rather profound for having thought such a meaningful thing, especially since i was asleep at the time.
another thing that has stuck with me was who i saw in the dream when i had the realization. Both close friends and acquaintances, everyone i knew at the time made a short cameo, and when things like that happen, i always feel very weird afterwards. Not that it's a bad thing, it just is.
for whatever reason, I kept traveling back in time to various points in my grade school years. I don't remember why or what I was trying to accomplish, but I had a bit of a realization when I arrived in a somewhat skewed version of my sophomore year. It didn't matter to me if I was able to change anything that already happened or fix a mistake, I was just glad to see the people who I knew back then.
people who I have long since lost contact with, or even those who aren't here anymore, getting the chance to see them and talk with them was enough.
when I woke up, I felt rather profound for having thought such a meaningful thing, especially since i was asleep at the time.
another thing that has stuck with me was who i saw in the dream when i had the realization. Both close friends and acquaintances, everyone i knew at the time made a short cameo, and when things like that happen, i always feel very weird afterwards. Not that it's a bad thing, it just is.
Monday, April 7, 2014
How Embarrassing.
due to popular recommendation, I picked up this show called "Love, Chunibyo, and other delusions." Chunibyo, which is Japanese for "middle schooler's syndrome" or something like that, can be described as a state of mind someone enters where they live out fantasies, or something like that. Don't quote me on this. Imagine someone who is really into LARPing, I mean, REALLY into it. Now, that is their life, that is their reality, which they desperately hold to be true, or something like that. That is what chubibyo is, kinda, but its more like a phase, an incredibly embarrassing phase, usually experienced in middle school.
so the plot of this show follows a young man who has grown out of his chunibyo phase and wishes to have a normal life as a normal high schooler. it shows moments where he is reminded of how he behaved in the past, which causes him to explode in embarrassment. The first time it showed this, I nearly slammed my head on my desk, because I knew EXACTLY how that feels. That's right, I was that kid. The ultra-literal, over-imaginative, socially awkward weirdo, that was me in a nutshell.
wait, was?
who am I kidding, I STILL AM!
in all seriousness, this show speaks to me on a very personal level, because I feel it. Every time the main character freaks out and frantically rolls across the floor in embarrassment screaming "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" I'm right there with him, because all it takes for me to send myself in a fit like that is to look through my old work that is posted on DeviantArt.
it also makes me want to write a paper on what sends people into these delusions, maybe I'll get the chance to in my psych class...
so the plot of this show follows a young man who has grown out of his chunibyo phase and wishes to have a normal life as a normal high schooler. it shows moments where he is reminded of how he behaved in the past, which causes him to explode in embarrassment. The first time it showed this, I nearly slammed my head on my desk, because I knew EXACTLY how that feels. That's right, I was that kid. The ultra-literal, over-imaginative, socially awkward weirdo, that was me in a nutshell.
wait, was?
who am I kidding, I STILL AM!
in all seriousness, this show speaks to me on a very personal level, because I feel it. Every time the main character freaks out and frantically rolls across the floor in embarrassment screaming "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" I'm right there with him, because all it takes for me to send myself in a fit like that is to look through my old work that is posted on DeviantArt.
it also makes me want to write a paper on what sends people into these delusions, maybe I'll get the chance to in my psych class...
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Defying Gravity
After a certain point is hit, there is only so much you can still care about things, like singing in public as you are walking around. Its nice when you are one of few pedestrians on the streets and your horrificly off key vocals are muffled by the sounds of the cars around you. Its liberating, to say the least.
it also ties in to the feeling when you listen to a song you haven't heard in years, and still know all the lyrics. Makes me feel like my memory isn't as bad as it often proves to be.
on another more depressing note, I am awake and working again a lot earlier than I want to be, but at least I am taking a class to better my job. Wish me luck, I may have made the mistake of bringing my sketchbook with me.
it also ties in to the feeling when you listen to a song you haven't heard in years, and still know all the lyrics. Makes me feel like my memory isn't as bad as it often proves to be.
on another more depressing note, I am awake and working again a lot earlier than I want to be, but at least I am taking a class to better my job. Wish me luck, I may have made the mistake of bringing my sketchbook with me.
Friday, April 4, 2014
matter of fact
oh, was this supposed to be a daily blog? Well I am sorry but I haven't been able to keep up with it as much as I like, but I don't really care because I do what I want. It says so in this rule book, aptly named "things I've just made up."
in all seriousness, I feel if I update less frequently, I'll force myself to write more quality posts. I mean, its been over two weeks and I really don't have anything to talk about, at least nothing that I wish to speak publicly about. I could ramble on for days about how much fun it was to show my editor Attack on Titan, or how excited I am for its English release in June. Or how incredibly inspirational a show like Kill la Kill turned out to be, and now its over and I don't know what to do with my life. Really, I ought to just start a YouTube channel and review whatever the hell I want. But I have to wait to do that.
next week, Microsoft will be ending its support for Windows XP, which is what my 7 year old desktop runs. So now I need to be more serious about saving money for a new desktop since mine probably won't last till the end of the year. My computer has been my loyal friend for many of years, and I don't want to give it up, but alas, technology has changed, and so must I. I also need to upgrade my tablet system, because mine is falling apart. That makes me even more sad.
the point I'm trying to make here is that I absolutely need to wind the lottery some point soon, because there Aren't enough hours in the day or Mes to go around to make that much money when I need it. Sigh. Such is life.
in all seriousness, I feel if I update less frequently, I'll force myself to write more quality posts. I mean, its been over two weeks and I really don't have anything to talk about, at least nothing that I wish to speak publicly about. I could ramble on for days about how much fun it was to show my editor Attack on Titan, or how excited I am for its English release in June. Or how incredibly inspirational a show like Kill la Kill turned out to be, and now its over and I don't know what to do with my life. Really, I ought to just start a YouTube channel and review whatever the hell I want. But I have to wait to do that.
next week, Microsoft will be ending its support for Windows XP, which is what my 7 year old desktop runs. So now I need to be more serious about saving money for a new desktop since mine probably won't last till the end of the year. My computer has been my loyal friend for many of years, and I don't want to give it up, but alas, technology has changed, and so must I. I also need to upgrade my tablet system, because mine is falling apart. That makes me even more sad.
the point I'm trying to make here is that I absolutely need to wind the lottery some point soon, because there Aren't enough hours in the day or Mes to go around to make that much money when I need it. Sigh. Such is life.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Packed in a box
Today, my apartment is officially void of all (ok, most) of my belongings. I had a few friends come over and help me haul an extremely heavy tv to my garage, as well as one remaining book shelf which met its end only a few feet from the garage. It will not be missed.
its crazy to think that it won't be too much longer until I can return to a place of my own, though I have yet to hear of a time frame for the repairs. My mother and I have agreed on acceptable colors for the walls, I have a plan on how I want the rooms to be when I move back in, we're in good contact with the company who is in charge of the rebuild, and though not everyone is satisfied with the job that has been done so far, I am still grateful for all the hard work everyone involved has done.
it felt really good when my editor and I finished packing our final boxes. The last bits of cleaning we did, including removing an unsettling amount of mold from our refrigerator (which led to me getting sick after being in that environment for a week), may still have been futile, but it felt good to do something. We got rid of a lot of our things, which was a very hard thing to do, but it was necessary. I'm really looking forward to unpacking everything, because I will probably get rid of a lot more things as I go through it all.
until that point, its life back in the box for me.
its crazy to think that it won't be too much longer until I can return to a place of my own, though I have yet to hear of a time frame for the repairs. My mother and I have agreed on acceptable colors for the walls, I have a plan on how I want the rooms to be when I move back in, we're in good contact with the company who is in charge of the rebuild, and though not everyone is satisfied with the job that has been done so far, I am still grateful for all the hard work everyone involved has done.
it felt really good when my editor and I finished packing our final boxes. The last bits of cleaning we did, including removing an unsettling amount of mold from our refrigerator (which led to me getting sick after being in that environment for a week), may still have been futile, but it felt good to do something. We got rid of a lot of our things, which was a very hard thing to do, but it was necessary. I'm really looking forward to unpacking everything, because I will probably get rid of a lot more things as I go through it all.
until that point, its life back in the box for me.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Mommy's Little Helper.
I'm just trying to make the bed, damnit.
every
single
time
i try and make the bed
she has to do this
she's "helping"
helping by killing the sheets
and just generally being in the way
sometimes she gets extra help
but she prefers to do it all on her own
"i have no idea what she's doing"
this is why i never get anything done.
every
this is why i never get anything done.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Where has all the time gone?
Yeah, so I've been gone for almost two weeks total, what of it. I can't always be writing all the time, you know.
so where exactly have I been? Well, right here, of course. Last week, my editor was visiting, and this week was spring break, so I've been a little busy. Ok. Not entirely busy, I barely accomplished anything this week, aside from getting over a cold.
As I get back into the grove of things, I'll explain my little adventures here. I probably won't lump then into all one post, maybe if I can't do two posts a day to make up for the week, and all the others that I've missed.
its not like I haven't had any ideas, or that I didn't think about writing, I just never set time aside to actually do anything. Lets just hope I'm not going to fall too far behind because of this.
so where exactly have I been? Well, right here, of course. Last week, my editor was visiting, and this week was spring break, so I've been a little busy. Ok. Not entirely busy, I barely accomplished anything this week, aside from getting over a cold.
As I get back into the grove of things, I'll explain my little adventures here. I probably won't lump then into all one post, maybe if I can't do two posts a day to make up for the week, and all the others that I've missed.
its not like I haven't had any ideas, or that I didn't think about writing, I just never set time aside to actually do anything. Lets just hope I'm not going to fall too far behind because of this.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Here's to you
roughly three years ago, while on a trip to see what my new living situation would be like, I spent a considerable amount of time with a certain boy. It was the last day of our spring break trip, and I had gotten the feeling he wanted to talk with me. We just got out of a movie and I parted ways with my mother, saying I wanted to show him the creek that is a very popular spot in the town. It was a little odd that we went there at 11 at night, but whatever. He and I walked and talked for a bit, and though it was never directly said, we both understood how each other felt.
since it was rather cold out, we returned back to the condo which would be our shared home, and watched a movie. We stayed up and talked for a little bit longer, and eventually fell asleep next to each other.
we were nearly inseparable for the next day, and eventually I guess we started calling ourselves a couple.
since then, its been interesting. We've been through so much together, good, bad, adventurous, life changing, you name it. We've still got a long way to go as well. We've built our lives together and created something wonderful, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
let's give em hell, my wonderful editor.
since it was rather cold out, we returned back to the condo which would be our shared home, and watched a movie. We stayed up and talked for a little bit longer, and eventually fell asleep next to each other.
we were nearly inseparable for the next day, and eventually I guess we started calling ourselves a couple.
since then, its been interesting. We've been through so much together, good, bad, adventurous, life changing, you name it. We've still got a long way to go as well. We've built our lives together and created something wonderful, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
let's give em hell, my wonderful editor.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Run, Shadofax, show us the meaning of haste.
Back when our journey west was coming to a close, I remember lying down in the passenger seat of my car while my editor drove, thinking about how our trip went. That morning, we drove up from San Diego back to Los Angeles, and after visiting with those who we knew there, we had a late dinner with my former Biology teacher from high school. Our goal was to drive to Las Vegas and be there by morning.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tL_TFXbSnLY
the link above was the song I remember hearing right as we were leaving town.
In context to the game it is from, this is what you see as you are 'leaving' the horrible science labs you had been trapped in for the last two games. What awaits you at the end is the freedom you so desired, but you still feel a slight pain of sadness knowing its over. That's what it was like when I lived in that godforsaken land for the first time.
oddly enough, all I can think about now is returning to that desert. So when I was lying in the car, listening to this song, I felt the pain of a farewell to a place I so wish to see again.
it sounds stupid, I know, but that's how I feel.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tL_TFXbSnLY
the link above was the song I remember hearing right as we were leaving town.
In context to the game it is from, this is what you see as you are 'leaving' the horrible science labs you had been trapped in for the last two games. What awaits you at the end is the freedom you so desired, but you still feel a slight pain of sadness knowing its over. That's what it was like when I lived in that godforsaken land for the first time.
oddly enough, all I can think about now is returning to that desert. So when I was lying in the car, listening to this song, I felt the pain of a farewell to a place I so wish to see again.
it sounds stupid, I know, but that's how I feel.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Then You Go
"downtown. . ."
I can't quite figure out how to feel right now. Soon, ny editor will be on his way to visit, and I'm so excited to see him, even if its for a short time. Things are going to be rough, but I know we'll be able to handle it if we take everything as it comes. I can't forget about work and school, as much as I'd like to. There is only so much he and I can cram into a week.
I'm hoping everything goes well, I don't want to cause any more trouble. But at the same time I want the rest of the world to bugger off for a while and let me enjoy my time with him. I can't figure out what I want, really.
I guess this is enough of a ramble. I'm going to sleep.
I can't quite figure out how to feel right now. Soon, ny editor will be on his way to visit, and I'm so excited to see him, even if its for a short time. Things are going to be rough, but I know we'll be able to handle it if we take everything as it comes. I can't forget about work and school, as much as I'd like to. There is only so much he and I can cram into a week.
I'm hoping everything goes well, I don't want to cause any more trouble. But at the same time I want the rest of the world to bugger off for a while and let me enjoy my time with him. I can't figure out what I want, really.
I guess this is enough of a ramble. I'm going to sleep.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Waiting is Wasting for People Like Me.
I don't know what it is exactly, why I have these moments where I absolutely have to act on impulse and go somewhere or do something. It wasn't a particularly difficult day, I didn't get a lot of sleep, but I wasn't too tired. Classes were easy and all I could think about is how happy I was that it was finally Thursday again.
While driving home, I stopped for a minute and made a quick turn right when I was about to be at my house. Instead of turning south like normal, I headed north and drove to the nearest town. Maybe I needed to see the scenery, or maybe I just needed a little more time in the car, blasting music. I had thought about driving off like this many times, but I always held myself back.
I'm glad I did, driving around for an extra hour was just what I needed to relax, well, calm down to my normal level of crazy again.
it may take all of my strength to refrain from compulsively driving west next week. Wish me luck.
While driving home, I stopped for a minute and made a quick turn right when I was about to be at my house. Instead of turning south like normal, I headed north and drove to the nearest town. Maybe I needed to see the scenery, or maybe I just needed a little more time in the car, blasting music. I had thought about driving off like this many times, but I always held myself back.
I'm glad I did, driving around for an extra hour was just what I needed to relax, well, calm down to my normal level of crazy again.
it may take all of my strength to refrain from compulsively driving west next week. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Home is. . .
Way back in the day, perhaps in the spring or fall (I don't remember), I was enjoying a particularly windy day at the high school I attended in California. I remember the sensations I felt, how the cool smell of the trees and the sound of the wind rushing through them reminded me of the mountains of Colorado. As a child, I began to associate the many visits to my hometown and what 'home' was with the city in which I currently reside. though I only lived there for a very short time, my family and I traveled there frequently to see the our extended family and friends.
every two years, my sister and I hike up with my father to a part of the mountains which has significant meaning to him. When I feel the cool air of the mountains and the sound of the wind, I think of being on that trail.
yesterday, it was cold and windy, with outbursts of rain and snow. But the way it was, reminded me of that one time when I was reminded of here. Its an odd circle, but that's what came to my mind.
look, it makes sense if you don't think about it.
every two years, my sister and I hike up with my father to a part of the mountains which has significant meaning to him. When I feel the cool air of the mountains and the sound of the wind, I think of being on that trail.
yesterday, it was cold and windy, with outbursts of rain and snow. But the way it was, reminded me of that one time when I was reminded of here. Its an odd circle, but that's what came to my mind.
look, it makes sense if you don't think about it.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Inspired Adventure
during our first official spring break together, my editor and I headed out west. I took him to visit a lot of the places I had been and he also met quite a few of my friends. On our way down to San Diego, we drove through Los Angeles, or really got stuck in traffic in L.A. From the highway we could see some fireworks off in the distance. It took us a little while to figure out where they came from, but with the help of the nearby billboard we realized we were near Disney Land! We were watching what we guessed was their end of the night celebration. It was very fun to watch, and thinking about it only makes me want to go to an amusement park even more than I already want to.
at work, there was a documentary about amusement parks on and it reminded me of our little adventure. It makes me excited to remember that not only is my editor coming to visit next week, but the week after is my spring break! I'm really hoping this week goes by fast, but as long as I get to savor time the week after!
at work, there was a documentary about amusement parks on and it reminded me of our little adventure. It makes me excited to remember that not only is my editor coming to visit next week, but the week after is my spring break! I'm really hoping this week goes by fast, but as long as I get to savor time the week after!
Sunday, March 9, 2014
[Ambiguous]
no matter how much I try and distract myself, I can't help but get sucked back into the depths of my mind. I try and invest myself in whatever task in doing, but i always wind back up in the same place. What am i going to do with myself once I'm back in my own home? What will I do once my editor is finished with his internship? Will we move? Will we stay here while he finishes his schooling? What about the rest of my family? What about when my dad returns home? Will I try and live close to my parents, or shall we venture off on our own? Should I focus on my dreams and head overseas?
there are so many uncertainties in my life right now that i don't know how i managed to get out of bed in the morning.
maybe im just over thinking everything.
there are so many uncertainties in my life right now that i don't know how i managed to get out of bed in the morning.
maybe im just over thinking everything.
There is a time and a place for mucking around!
I have to keep telling myself "just one more week," and maybe I'll get through all the little bits when I come to them. Little by little, day by day, but I can't let myself get too lost in the flow of time. I still have deadlines to meet and other tasks to accomplish during that time. Though as much as I would love to skip it all, I ought to stay strong and focus on doing what's right. You know, responsible things.
I can tell you for certain, work is the one place I don't want to be right now. Maybe its because its early in the morning, or because I'm slightly irritated by my coworkers, or maybe its because I just need a break, but I would really like to stay home. All I can think about is how much I want to clean up a little, and that's the one thing I never actually start doing when I have time for it.
I'm just an absolute mess right now. But that's ok, because I get to finally do some training today, and by training I mean attend a first aid class that I'm about three months past due for.
oops.
I can tell you for certain, work is the one place I don't want to be right now. Maybe its because its early in the morning, or because I'm slightly irritated by my coworkers, or maybe its because I just need a break, but I would really like to stay home. All I can think about is how much I want to clean up a little, and that's the one thing I never actually start doing when I have time for it.
I'm just an absolute mess right now. But that's ok, because I get to finally do some training today, and by training I mean attend a first aid class that I'm about three months past due for.
oops.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Thats why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit
Do you ever so hard that you can't even? I do.
all of yesterday it was doing what I like to call snow-raining. It was snowing so hard like it was raining, it was warm and slushy. Which meant it was actually really nice outside. I didn't know what to think of it. So, of course when I had to make a quick run back to my house for a phone charger, I couldn't actually run because of the thick layer of slush on the ground. Yet, I was still moving my legs at a fast pace while using my muscles to keep myself from slipping. It was one hell of a workout.
I honestly don't mind the snow at this time of year. It snows for about a day and all melts the next. Hooray spring?
last week, I was talking to my coworker about how much I would rather it snow all this month and rain later, so that things are a little more 'normal' I guess, when she said that there is so much snow in the mountains that when it melts for summer, we're probably going to see a little more flooding. To which I rolled my eyes and said "well I guess its a good thing my house isn't fixed yet."
speaking of which, we've actually seen quite a bit of progress regarding the rebuilding process, and that makes me happy! Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do once I'm able to live in my own house again. It seems like such a distant memory that I lived there once.
for now, I'm going to do my best not to completely lose my mind. You know, little things.
all of yesterday it was doing what I like to call snow-raining. It was snowing so hard like it was raining, it was warm and slushy. Which meant it was actually really nice outside. I didn't know what to think of it. So, of course when I had to make a quick run back to my house for a phone charger, I couldn't actually run because of the thick layer of slush on the ground. Yet, I was still moving my legs at a fast pace while using my muscles to keep myself from slipping. It was one hell of a workout.
I honestly don't mind the snow at this time of year. It snows for about a day and all melts the next. Hooray spring?
last week, I was talking to my coworker about how much I would rather it snow all this month and rain later, so that things are a little more 'normal' I guess, when she said that there is so much snow in the mountains that when it melts for summer, we're probably going to see a little more flooding. To which I rolled my eyes and said "well I guess its a good thing my house isn't fixed yet."
speaking of which, we've actually seen quite a bit of progress regarding the rebuilding process, and that makes me happy! Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do once I'm able to live in my own house again. It seems like such a distant memory that I lived there once.
for now, I'm going to do my best not to completely lose my mind. You know, little things.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Every now and then I fall apart
I probably should have said this earlier, but when I watch a show, I FEEL IT. this has happened to me for as long as I can remember, I get immersed in to whatever universe I am observing at the time. It makes the experience of a show/game/book that much more enjoyable!
(and now I can really understand why my parents forbade me from watching a lot of cartoons as a child, for what good that did :P ).
I'm sure you've noticed how my style of writing (I guess) will change depending on what I've been watching. Right now I'm going through a rather popular show about people playing a virtual reality game and getting stuck in it, where if you die in game, you die in real life. Its really good so far! Anyway, I feel like because I'm very invested in the story and characters, my actions and emotions reflect that in the real world. Its not just this series, but all of them!
remember when I marathoned Attack on Titan? I became part of that universe! Every single death that was part of the story, I felt it (and my god is there a lot of death). Its not the same as if I lost someone close to me, but I still carry sympathy for the other characters.
I'm not making any sense, am I?
Lets take a look at Kill la Kill, shall we? Like Gurren Lagann, each episode has me screaming, crying, jumping up in excitement, and on the edge of my seat. I was joking about it with my classmates, saying that its shows like that which make you feel the need to have a cigarette after each episode. And if you watch it with someone else, turn to them as ask "was it good for you?" that is the mark of a great show. I'm so excited for each new episode by the time its over, and waiting for it makes my weeks go by a lot faster.
Last night's episode got my blood pumping so much that I took out my sister's dog for a quick run to help calm myself down.
but I digress. . .
I keep thinking about whatever story I'm watching that it actually has an effect on my emotions. My feels are pushed to their limits! I was walking to work today and was still mulling over what I had just seen, my imagination took it and ran. By the time I was walking through the door, my heart was pounding and I was on the verge of tears! FOR ABSOLUTELY NO GODDAMN REASON!!!
maybe I'm just insane.
or maybe it's because I can't stop scream-singing "total eclipse of the heart."
I wonder.
(and now I can really understand why my parents forbade me from watching a lot of cartoons as a child, for what good that did :P ).
I'm sure you've noticed how my style of writing (I guess) will change depending on what I've been watching. Right now I'm going through a rather popular show about people playing a virtual reality game and getting stuck in it, where if you die in game, you die in real life. Its really good so far! Anyway, I feel like because I'm very invested in the story and characters, my actions and emotions reflect that in the real world. Its not just this series, but all of them!
remember when I marathoned Attack on Titan? I became part of that universe! Every single death that was part of the story, I felt it (and my god is there a lot of death). Its not the same as if I lost someone close to me, but I still carry sympathy for the other characters.
I'm not making any sense, am I?
Lets take a look at Kill la Kill, shall we? Like Gurren Lagann, each episode has me screaming, crying, jumping up in excitement, and on the edge of my seat. I was joking about it with my classmates, saying that its shows like that which make you feel the need to have a cigarette after each episode. And if you watch it with someone else, turn to them as ask "was it good for you?" that is the mark of a great show. I'm so excited for each new episode by the time its over, and waiting for it makes my weeks go by a lot faster.
Last night's episode got my blood pumping so much that I took out my sister's dog for a quick run to help calm myself down.
but I digress. . .
I keep thinking about whatever story I'm watching that it actually has an effect on my emotions. My feels are pushed to their limits! I was walking to work today and was still mulling over what I had just seen, my imagination took it and ran. By the time I was walking through the door, my heart was pounding and I was on the verge of tears! FOR ABSOLUTELY NO GODDAMN REASON!!!
maybe I'm just insane.
or maybe it's because I can't stop scream-singing "total eclipse of the heart."
I wonder.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
QUIT FOLLOWING ME AROUND
Training is hard. Training people is even harder.
we're getting a few new hires, which is good, and I'm lucky enough to get to train someone today. The problem is, I don't remember what exactly in supposed to be doing. Its hard to describe how exactly I do my job.
luckily, my trainee is super cool and cooperative. He will do well. Now we just have to get through the rest of the night. . .
we're getting a few new hires, which is good, and I'm lucky enough to get to train someone today. The problem is, I don't remember what exactly in supposed to be doing. Its hard to describe how exactly I do my job.
luckily, my trainee is super cool and cooperative. He will do well. Now we just have to get through the rest of the night. . .
Monday, March 3, 2014
I almost forgot to add a title.
I spent the majority of my shift last night reading an article on anxiety. It was rather long, but enjoyable, and insightful. A lot if people, and I mean A LOT of people have and or have experienced anxiety, myself included. There are times when I absolutely start freaking out for no reason, and the next day I'm fine. It happens a lot when I get flustered at work, I usually end up hiding until the feeling goes away.
it was funny, simply reading the article made me feel nervous, and I had absolutely no reason to feel like that. Emotions are weird like that. Reading the article also made me sympathize with my editor a great deal, as he suffers from anxiety and a handful of other issues. Its tough dealing with him sometimes, but I have learned a lot from him because of it.
what I'm trying to say is that think twice before you judge someone. (generic statement is generic).
it was funny, simply reading the article made me feel nervous, and I had absolutely no reason to feel like that. Emotions are weird like that. Reading the article also made me sympathize with my editor a great deal, as he suffers from anxiety and a handful of other issues. Its tough dealing with him sometimes, but I have learned a lot from him because of it.
what I'm trying to say is that think twice before you judge someone. (generic statement is generic).
You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.
I reintergrated with my phone on Friday night after the convention. It didn't take long to get everything set back up the way I needed it, so that is good. They keyboard is a little different, so its kind of a pain to write. Anyway. . .
it was actually a little nice disconnecting with the virtual world for a bit. I mean, sure, I still found ways to stay online, but I didn't talk to anyone on the phone. It was weird, and actually made me feel very lonely. I'm glad to be back.
now I can take pictures of all the things!!! All the cats!!!
it was actually a little nice disconnecting with the virtual world for a bit. I mean, sure, I still found ways to stay online, but I didn't talk to anyone on the phone. It was weird, and actually made me feel very lonely. I'm glad to be back.
now I can take pictures of all the things!!! All the cats!!!
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Pop culture was in art, now art's in pop culture in me
Remember what I said about the universe providing me with exactly what I wanted (sometimes)? Well, for a while now, my friends from school have been pestering me to attend an anime convention that was going on this weekend. At first I was debating whether or not I wanted to go, and I was going to cancel going since I would only be able to for one day. So yesterday morning, when my sister came home from work, I woke up. It took me a while to get back to sleep, so I decided to hop on the computer and check out what was going on at the convention.
on the guest list was a name I know very well. It was one if my absolute favorite voice actors! And his band!!! I was stoked. I absolutely wanted to meet him!
so I went. And it was fun. It was nice being among my own people and seeing all the different costumes! I had fun and I definitely don't regret going. I got to meet someone I adore, and got his autograph!
that is a win in my book.
on the guest list was a name I know very well. It was one if my absolute favorite voice actors! And his band!!! I was stoked. I absolutely wanted to meet him!
so I went. And it was fun. It was nice being among my own people and seeing all the different costumes! I had fun and I definitely don't regret going. I got to meet someone I adore, and got his autograph!
that is a win in my book.
Room of Requirement
every now and then. The universe provides me with exactly what I need. The most recent example was when I found that money on the sidewalk. It actually happens quite often, I think of something that I need, and not too long afterwards, I find it. Its actually happened a lot this past week or two, but I've already forgotten most of my examples. I can't help but say "oh, that's convenient" when it happens.
the thing is though, its all just coincidence. I don't think its a sign from some deity or that I have the ability to alter space time reality (though that would be cool). I just take it as it is and go with it. And sure, sometimes I don't find what I need or I have bad days, its a process.
I wish I remembered to write this post when I first thought of it, but oh well.
the thing is though, its all just coincidence. I don't think its a sign from some deity or that I have the ability to alter space time reality (though that would be cool). I just take it as it is and go with it. And sure, sometimes I don't find what I need or I have bad days, its a process.
I wish I remembered to write this post when I first thought of it, but oh well.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
You can delete a post, but you can't delete a memory.
If you'll allow me to hop on my little soapbox here, I've got a bone to pick with you, Internet.
This is something that has always bothered me, when people delete old posts or things as if they wan to pretend they never happened. Sure, it's one thing if you made a silly mistake or are embarrassed by it, but that means you should recognize why you posted it in the first place and correct it if you want to change it, not remove it from existence. Ok, this is a bad way of explaining it, so let me try again.
When I was in high school, I was really weird, hell, I've been weird my whole life. A lot of things about my past are things I find embarrassing. I was obnoxious, creepy, and just weird in general. But I also was just being myself at those times, sure at the time all I wanted was to be acknowledged as a normal person, but now I don't care. So when I look at a lot of my old drawings, I can't help but shake my head. Did I really do this? What was I thinking?
For a while, I wanted to delete all those old posts, or at least hide them, but I never did. As embarrassing as those things are, that was still who I was. That was still me. It's not who I am now, but it is still a part of me, it is one of many aspects of myself that helped develop the person I am today. And I will be saying the same thing about myself in a year or so. I am always changing, and just because I'm changing doesn't mean I should be ashamed of where I came from.
If I were to delete all my old posts, I would be betraying the memory they represent, and I would be betraying who I was at the time, so I would be betraying myself.
Just because something represents something different that what you are now, doesn't mean you can't still show it off as a representation of your life at the time?
So I have a big problem with people who do that. But I also have a bigger problem with people who think they can just block out all the things that upset them, and that includes people. This is mostly relevant to Facebook and other places like that, and I can understand if you block someone if they are legitimately harassing you. But just because someone has a differing opinion on something or posts something that offends you, doesn't mean you should completely block them from existence. Even if their opinion is bad or wrong, they don't deserve to be shunned. Internet fights are a huge pain and more often then not, they go nowhere, but removing someone's ability to respond just ends the conflict, it doesn't solve it. Take that to mean what you will. I keep a lot of people on my friends list who post a ridiculous amount of offensive things, and sure, I get upset at them, but I never block them because they said something I didn't like. People get a little too upset and act in very petty ways on the Internet, for many reasons that I don't have the ability to fully explain to you. (And I feel the same way about defriending someone).
I'm also one of those people who doesn't post every aspect of their lives on the Internet, so it really doesn't matter to me.
Ok, I'm getting off the soapbox now.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
And as I looked around I began to notice That we were nothing like the rest
I I can't decide on what I want to be doing right now. Part of me wants to go to sleep, part of me wants to stay up and watch all the things, part of me wants to draw until dawn, and another part wants to go outside and pick a direction and run. I'm also easily distracted an d discouraged, so I'm calling it a night.
It was an ok day overall. Nothing special happened, nothing changed, so it's just meh.
The more and more time I spend wasting on the Internet, the more and more I miss my editor. I miss having someone to go on adventures with. I miss the company, I miss the little world we created together. I know it won't be long before he visits, but there is still quite some time between now and then.
Last night I dreamt that he and I were house hunting, and we were trying to find a place similar to the house we used to live in when I lived in New Mexico, but smaller. It makes me really want to start searching for a new home, but I don't know where I want to go. Not to mention all the other obstacles to overcome.
Who knows. . .
Monday, February 24, 2014
Where is my mom now that I need her
Upon further inspection, most of the plants over there were mostly dead, and for some, completely dead.
You know, I had just thought to myself earlier today that I ought to replant my garden as soon as the weather gets better, but this is a little ridiculous. My biggest problem is I don't know if I will be able to save any of these plants. They are all in pretty bad shape. If my mom was here she'd have more of an idea on where to start and how to get them to perk back up, but I don't know anything about gardening! I can barely keep a Christmas tree alive when I have one!
Now, there is the option to not get any plants, to which I say, ARE YOU CRAZY!?! They are free!!! Hopefully I'll be able to revive thre ones I do take, but I have yet to get to that point. As soon as I'm home, I get to come right back with my car and load up whatever is left.
I call dibs on at least the daffodils.
First world problems
It's going to be a very long week for me. Yesterday when I got off work, the touch pad on my phone stopped working. Everything else on the phone still works, but I can't access it if it doesn't respond to touch anymore. My replacement phone will be here on Friday, but it's going to really suck without a phone until then. I have to make due with just my iPad, but that's only if I have wifi.
This is so wrong, how tough life is without our electronics. It's sad how quickly our lives fall apart.
It's ok though because I'll manage. I just, won't be able to compulsively check anything or contact my family as conviniently.
It's still going to suck though. 
Here's a cat.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
It could have been you, it could have been me.
The other night when I was on my grand adventure to find some tempura, something incredible happened. It's important to know what happened prior to this moment, so lets start there.
as you all know, I often buy lottery tickets, and on occasion, I win something. It was only 4 dollars, but hey, its better than nothing! So I went to go cash it, also thinking that it was a different day then it was. There was a special promotion for the mega millions, buy $10 worth of tickets, get one draw free, but it only applied on the days when it was drawn. That's why I walked all the way to the grocery store I frequent, rather than something closer.
Knowing that I would have to return tomorrow, I headed back towards my home and my original goal of finding food. There is a Thai/Japanese restaurant close to where I live, and it has pretty good food, too.
right next door to it, there is a dispensary. This serves as a possible explanation for what was about to happen. I was about to cross the street to the restaurant. When lying on the sidewalk in front of me was a rather large pile of cash. It had looked like it had fallen out of someone's pocket. Judging by the amount and by the scent of the cash, I imagine its owner had gone too or came from the dispensary.
I picked up all the cash, looked around to see anyone who might have dropped it, but there was nobody around except people in their cars nearby who didn't seem to notice, and one person across the street who was heading the same direction as I was. I felt bad, because once I counted it all up, it equaled as much as a weeks worth of pay for me. That is a lot to have just fall out of your pocket. I hope who ever this money belonged to before is well off enough for it not to have mattered too much.
while anybody else might have been celebrating, I can't help but feel bad for not being able to find who it really belongs to. I don't want to immediately spend it, though if I do, it will most likely go to bills. I don't feel lucky at all, I feel guilty for having something this important and not being able to return it.
its stupid, I know.
as you all know, I often buy lottery tickets, and on occasion, I win something. It was only 4 dollars, but hey, its better than nothing! So I went to go cash it, also thinking that it was a different day then it was. There was a special promotion for the mega millions, buy $10 worth of tickets, get one draw free, but it only applied on the days when it was drawn. That's why I walked all the way to the grocery store I frequent, rather than something closer.
Knowing that I would have to return tomorrow, I headed back towards my home and my original goal of finding food. There is a Thai/Japanese restaurant close to where I live, and it has pretty good food, too.
right next door to it, there is a dispensary. This serves as a possible explanation for what was about to happen. I was about to cross the street to the restaurant. When lying on the sidewalk in front of me was a rather large pile of cash. It had looked like it had fallen out of someone's pocket. Judging by the amount and by the scent of the cash, I imagine its owner had gone too or came from the dispensary.
I picked up all the cash, looked around to see anyone who might have dropped it, but there was nobody around except people in their cars nearby who didn't seem to notice, and one person across the street who was heading the same direction as I was. I felt bad, because once I counted it all up, it equaled as much as a weeks worth of pay for me. That is a lot to have just fall out of your pocket. I hope who ever this money belonged to before is well off enough for it not to have mattered too much.
while anybody else might have been celebrating, I can't help but feel bad for not being able to find who it really belongs to. I don't want to immediately spend it, though if I do, it will most likely go to bills. I don't feel lucky at all, I feel guilty for having something this important and not being able to return it.
its stupid, I know.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Don't Lose Your Way
today, not only have I confirmed to myself how bad I am at following directions, but its also making me question what I actually want to do with my life. I don't know if you know this, but writing is hard, and so is drawing. And since I seriously need help doing the writing part, i don't know if I'll ever make anything coherent out of my story. That makes me frustrated.
I've known this for a while, that my biggest weakness when it comes to writing is dialogue. I can't seem to make a conversation sound natural. To be fair, I'm pretty bad at making conversation in real life, so its no big surprise. That's why I'm really glad to have my editor, because he helps me with a lot of things. BUTJESNOTHERERIGHTNOWISHE?!?! He always helps me bounce idea off of him and gives good direction when it comes to the progression of a story.
without him around, i feel like I'm only running at 65% capacity, rather than my normal of 85+. Though i am finishing a lot more drawings, I'm only half satisfied with them. Maybe i just need to try harder or focus more. I don't want to give up, i just don't know which direction to go.
maybe I'll start by going and getting tempura. . .
I've known this for a while, that my biggest weakness when it comes to writing is dialogue. I can't seem to make a conversation sound natural. To be fair, I'm pretty bad at making conversation in real life, so its no big surprise. That's why I'm really glad to have my editor, because he helps me with a lot of things. BUTJESNOTHERERIGHTNOWISHE?!?! He always helps me bounce idea off of him and gives good direction when it comes to the progression of a story.
without him around, i feel like I'm only running at 65% capacity, rather than my normal of 85+. Though i am finishing a lot more drawings, I'm only half satisfied with them. Maybe i just need to try harder or focus more. I don't want to give up, i just don't know which direction to go.
maybe I'll start by going and getting tempura. . .
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Solid
part of what I wanted to do on Sunday was I wanted to go to a salon and get a manicure and a pedicure. I woke up just after 1pm, and I didn't get out of the house to run errands until later, if I had chosen to go to a salon first, rather than the thrift store, I would have had enough time. But when I got out, the closest salon closed at 5pm, and it was already 4:50pm, and I didn't want to be that asshole.
so I skipped out on getting pampered, or at least paying for it. After I got most of my laundry finished, I contemplated using the little wash basin I had to soak my hands and feet and give myself a manipedi. I thought about it for maybe 5 minutes before I filled it with hot water and began my soak. Boy, it was nice.
so nice that I did the same thing yesterday. It is a little painful boiling your feet, but once the water cools, its not so bad!
I also decided to paint my nails on Monday, thinking that Tuesday was Mardi Gras, but that wasn't for another two weeks! Which got me thinking. . .
do the stores here realize there is another holiday between valentines day and saint Patrick's day? Just because this isn't the south doesn't mean we can't celebrate Mardi Gras!?! I mean, that's one if my favorite holidays!
just think of the king cake!!!
not to mention that green, purple, and gold are some of my favorite colors.
so I skipped out on getting pampered, or at least paying for it. After I got most of my laundry finished, I contemplated using the little wash basin I had to soak my hands and feet and give myself a manipedi. I thought about it for maybe 5 minutes before I filled it with hot water and began my soak. Boy, it was nice.
so nice that I did the same thing yesterday. It is a little painful boiling your feet, but once the water cools, its not so bad!
I also decided to paint my nails on Monday, thinking that Tuesday was Mardi Gras, but that wasn't for another two weeks! Which got me thinking. . .
do the stores here realize there is another holiday between valentines day and saint Patrick's day? Just because this isn't the south doesn't mean we can't celebrate Mardi Gras!?! I mean, that's one if my favorite holidays!
just think of the king cake!!!
not to mention that green, purple, and gold are some of my favorite colors.
Two Birds With One Stone
all of Monday, I had one phrase stuck in my head:
一石二鳥-one stone two birds.
and for the life of me, I couldn't think if a post to write about for it. The phrase was just stuck in my head, it didn't really mean anything, but it was still there.
so I sat around and did pretty much nothing for two days, and here I am.
I think the last thing I wanted to mention about Sunday was what I tried to make for dinner, ok, two things.
I finally got around to getting more groceries, so I attempted to make some ToriKatsu, which is a fried chicken cutlet, and I did an ok job, especially since I used tempura batter. The rice wasn't cooked right but I didn't care. I was hungry. Actually, that sounds really good right now.
anyway, the second things I wanted to mention, well, I'm going to write about that later, because I said so.
:P
一石二鳥-one stone two birds.
and for the life of me, I couldn't think if a post to write about for it. The phrase was just stuck in my head, it didn't really mean anything, but it was still there.
so I sat around and did pretty much nothing for two days, and here I am.
I think the last thing I wanted to mention about Sunday was what I tried to make for dinner, ok, two things.
I finally got around to getting more groceries, so I attempted to make some ToriKatsu, which is a fried chicken cutlet, and I did an ok job, especially since I used tempura batter. The rice wasn't cooked right but I didn't care. I was hungry. Actually, that sounds really good right now.
anyway, the second things I wanted to mention, well, I'm going to write about that later, because I said so.
:P
Sunday, February 16, 2014
We are the Hunters
I don't know how to describe the last few days. I suppose I should start where I left off from my last post. It was raining. Yes. Yes it was. But in the good kind of way. When I went home that morning, it was so beautiful outside. So lovely that I opened all my windows just a little bit before going to sleep. It made the whole day rather enjoyable, but it got cold, so I closed them. That's one of the things I like about summertime, how warm and cool the nights are, getting to sleep with your windows open, listening to the mixture of sounds that are outside. I am slowly becoming more and more ready for summer again. However, we still have to get through spring, and I'm not looking forward to that.
anyway, I slept til 1, got up and went to work. Someone called out so I had to take over for them, leaving us with no extra person, which made the night such majorly.
I was offered to work again tonight, but declined because I need to do housework, mostly laundry. I'm running out of clean clothes.
so that's what I've been doing today. I ran a couple errands and now I'm back, trying to stay focused. Not too long ago it started raining pretty heavily. I like the smell of rain, so I don't mind it.
ok, this is just turning into a mess, I'm going to stop before it gets too weird.
also, shout out to my friend the multi-artisit. Its her birfday.
anyway, I slept til 1, got up and went to work. Someone called out so I had to take over for them, leaving us with no extra person, which made the night such majorly.
I was offered to work again tonight, but declined because I need to do housework, mostly laundry. I'm running out of clean clothes.
so that's what I've been doing today. I ran a couple errands and now I'm back, trying to stay focused. Not too long ago it started raining pretty heavily. I like the smell of rain, so I don't mind it.
ok, this is just turning into a mess, I'm going to stop before it gets too weird.
also, shout out to my friend the multi-artisit. Its her birfday.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
It's a cruel, crazy, beautiful world
it may have only been a few hours since my last post and its rather panicked atmosphere, but things have really calmed down.
I remember a post from a long while ago, I had gone outside to take out the trash and the wind was blowing in such a way that it reminded me of where I used to live in the California desert. The wind wasn't as harsh as it was earlier, but it did blow in a bit of rain. However, the sky was practically clear out expect for a few clouds blocking the moon over the western mountains. It was so beautiful and nostalgic, I didn't want to come back inside. The only thing missing was the smell of the creosote bushes that filled the air when it rained in that desert.
back in high school, we had to be up early enough in the morning to catch a bus that left at 6am. Throughout most of the spring and autumn, we would get light early morning showers like the one today. The brisk but warm air, the sharp scent floating in the wind, the dry dampness that swam around you.
I miss those days.
for our first true spring break together, my editor and I drove out to the Mojave for a number of reasons. The one night we were on that old army post, it rained. We were actually in a movie at the time, so when we left, it was pouring rain. It was one of the many things I was glad I got to share with him. Since his hometown is also in the desert, he appreciates the desert rains, however, they are drastically different from the ones I was used too.
still. . .
I remember a post from a long while ago, I had gone outside to take out the trash and the wind was blowing in such a way that it reminded me of where I used to live in the California desert. The wind wasn't as harsh as it was earlier, but it did blow in a bit of rain. However, the sky was practically clear out expect for a few clouds blocking the moon over the western mountains. It was so beautiful and nostalgic, I didn't want to come back inside. The only thing missing was the smell of the creosote bushes that filled the air when it rained in that desert.
back in high school, we had to be up early enough in the morning to catch a bus that left at 6am. Throughout most of the spring and autumn, we would get light early morning showers like the one today. The brisk but warm air, the sharp scent floating in the wind, the dry dampness that swam around you.
I miss those days.
for our first true spring break together, my editor and I drove out to the Mojave for a number of reasons. The one night we were on that old army post, it rained. We were actually in a movie at the time, so when we left, it was pouring rain. It was one of the many things I was glad I got to share with him. Since his hometown is also in the desert, he appreciates the desert rains, however, they are drastically different from the ones I was used too.
still. . .
Adrenaline Rush
So here I am, struggling to stay awake while I'm working overnight, and the power goes out. Its been so windy for the last few hours, I guess something happened that caused the power to surge. It was only mostly terrifying.
Since the power surge scared me, I'm feeling a little more awake, but I feel like I'm more likely to crash later. More than anything, I don't really know what to do if the power goes out for longer than 3 seconds, let alone if the extreme wind causes any damage. I'm not ready for something like that.
there also may or may not be a possibility of it raining tonight, and that I know for a fact I'm not ready to deal with. I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting a bit. Ok, I know I'm overreacting, but that doesn't mean that the concerns aren't something to completely ignore.
I'll just try to take it easy for the rest of the night. Until I can go home and go to sleep.
Since the power surge scared me, I'm feeling a little more awake, but I feel like I'm more likely to crash later. More than anything, I don't really know what to do if the power goes out for longer than 3 seconds, let alone if the extreme wind causes any damage. I'm not ready for something like that.
there also may or may not be a possibility of it raining tonight, and that I know for a fact I'm not ready to deal with. I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting a bit. Ok, I know I'm overreacting, but that doesn't mean that the concerns aren't something to completely ignore.
I'll just try to take it easy for the rest of the night. Until I can go home and go to sleep.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Y'all gonna make me lose my mind
Have I ever mention how much of a total dweeb I am, or is it just that obvious?
a week ago, I finally started watching the most popular anime of 2013, not only was I hooked immediately, but I've already finished the show and marathoned through the manga too! Now I'm all caught up and I don't know what to do with my life. I'm just as confused as before, but now I can't escape from the series. Not that it's a bad thing. . .
don't worry though, I do this with other series too! I have for a long time and there is no way in hell I'm stopping any time soon! I was honestly amazed how fast I got through everything! I read the chapters so quickly that I was done before you knew it! At one point, my sister pried me away to get frozen yogurt, but as soon as we were back, BAM! there I was again.
don't get me wrong, I'm actually really happy about all this! I'm excited and inspired! I have something else to look forward too, and since its such a popular show, I can be a total fangirl about it with others! Hooray!!!
life it good.
a week ago, I finally started watching the most popular anime of 2013, not only was I hooked immediately, but I've already finished the show and marathoned through the manga too! Now I'm all caught up and I don't know what to do with my life. I'm just as confused as before, but now I can't escape from the series. Not that it's a bad thing. . .
don't worry though, I do this with other series too! I have for a long time and there is no way in hell I'm stopping any time soon! I was honestly amazed how fast I got through everything! I read the chapters so quickly that I was done before you knew it! At one point, my sister pried me away to get frozen yogurt, but as soon as we were back, BAM! there I was again.
don't get me wrong, I'm actually really happy about all this! I'm excited and inspired! I have something else to look forward too, and since its such a popular show, I can be a total fangirl about it with others! Hooray!!!
life it good.
Full Circle
Some days in ready to drop everything and go on a rampage. I get so frustrated with everything that I want to run away, or something like that. It gets so insane sometimes, but the only thing I can really do is go on a walk to calm myself down.
although, having that surge of emotion is great for my creative side. I think of so many interesting ideas that I want to draw out in some way. It really does help having an outlet for stuff like that, you know?
usually, if I get upset about something, it sends me on a roller coaster of emotions. It usually starts with irritation, than into rage, than into madness, then there is a moment of calm, then it boils into sadness, and then its back to normal.
usually, I get more upset at myself for being upset in the first place. Oh well, emotions are weird like that.
although, having that surge of emotion is great for my creative side. I think of so many interesting ideas that I want to draw out in some way. It really does help having an outlet for stuff like that, you know?
usually, if I get upset about something, it sends me on a roller coaster of emotions. It usually starts with irritation, than into rage, than into madness, then there is a moment of calm, then it boils into sadness, and then its back to normal.
usually, I get more upset at myself for being upset in the first place. Oh well, emotions are weird like that.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Those winter days
Since I've done nothing this week besides complain about how tired I am from working nonstop and how I've been putting off my homework, let me instead tell you about my day so far, which is a result of the previous two things I mentioned.
After scrambling to finish some kind of homework which I left early from a birthday party to do, I resided myself to defeat and went to bed after midnight. In my last post, I described the disaster of a dream I had, so that was kind of the base for my day. Just after noon, the animals around the house finally convinced me to get out of bed and feed them. After finishing the show I had been waiting, I decided to reflect on my life thus far in the bathtub. The bath was nice and relaxing, especially since all the animals kept opening the door to visit with me.
as far as I knew, the weather was so so, still cold, but whatever. By the time I had gotten dressed and decided I was to venture out into the world in search of food, it had begun to snow. I was ok with this, because its always warmer when its snowing. And I just genuinely like the snow. With my phone and wallet in hand, I left the safety and warmth of my home and went on an adventure.
As always, when I walk somewhere, I like to talk to people. And since my editor isn't here and I didn't feel like lugging around my iPad to listen to music, I started my chain if phone calls. The first person I called was my friend, the multi-artist, you know, the one I kidnapped back in August. We takes about this and that and that and this, and eventually we ended our conversation. So, after that I gave another friend a call. This guy, well, we dated for a bit back in high school, and he's also an artist, but recently he has really gotten into music, and has even started his own band. They are pretty good too! Anyway, I bothered him for a bit, but he was busy so I let him do his thing.
so, now what, well, when in doubt, call your mom! And so I did. She was running a few errands so I we didn't talk for long.
then I gave my big brother a call. Though we are not related, he's always been kind of a big bro to me, even though we don't talk that much, its kind of a habit to call him that. He was also a bit busy, so that didn't last long. I eventually called a very good friend of mine from high school, who I always need to talk to more. She accompanied me for the rest of my adventure to find food, and it was good to talk to her again. She is a very unique person, and I wish we lived closer so we could hang out more.
I had a quick snack and drink at one local cafe, but I was still a little hungry. I decided to wander up to another local favorite, an Americanized sushi bar. I don't like seafood, but they do make an amazing Japanese style curry. So I ate some, and had some sake. God I love sake.
actually, I'm still at that restaurant. As I'm typing, I'm trying to finish my drink before I venture back out into the cold. Its going to be long walk home, so I wonder who I'm going to call next.
After scrambling to finish some kind of homework which I left early from a birthday party to do, I resided myself to defeat and went to bed after midnight. In my last post, I described the disaster of a dream I had, so that was kind of the base for my day. Just after noon, the animals around the house finally convinced me to get out of bed and feed them. After finishing the show I had been waiting, I decided to reflect on my life thus far in the bathtub. The bath was nice and relaxing, especially since all the animals kept opening the door to visit with me.
as far as I knew, the weather was so so, still cold, but whatever. By the time I had gotten dressed and decided I was to venture out into the world in search of food, it had begun to snow. I was ok with this, because its always warmer when its snowing. And I just genuinely like the snow. With my phone and wallet in hand, I left the safety and warmth of my home and went on an adventure.
As always, when I walk somewhere, I like to talk to people. And since my editor isn't here and I didn't feel like lugging around my iPad to listen to music, I started my chain if phone calls. The first person I called was my friend, the multi-artist, you know, the one I kidnapped back in August. We takes about this and that and that and this, and eventually we ended our conversation. So, after that I gave another friend a call. This guy, well, we dated for a bit back in high school, and he's also an artist, but recently he has really gotten into music, and has even started his own band. They are pretty good too! Anyway, I bothered him for a bit, but he was busy so I let him do his thing.
so, now what, well, when in doubt, call your mom! And so I did. She was running a few errands so I we didn't talk for long.
then I gave my big brother a call. Though we are not related, he's always been kind of a big bro to me, even though we don't talk that much, its kind of a habit to call him that. He was also a bit busy, so that didn't last long. I eventually called a very good friend of mine from high school, who I always need to talk to more. She accompanied me for the rest of my adventure to find food, and it was good to talk to her again. She is a very unique person, and I wish we lived closer so we could hang out more.
I had a quick snack and drink at one local cafe, but I was still a little hungry. I decided to wander up to another local favorite, an Americanized sushi bar. I don't like seafood, but they do make an amazing Japanese style curry. So I ate some, and had some sake. God I love sake.
actually, I'm still at that restaurant. As I'm typing, I'm trying to finish my drink before I venture back out into the cold. Its going to be long walk home, so I wonder who I'm going to call next.
It always ends up back here.
perhaps it was the combination of watching the walking dead and attack on titan, but my mind was an absolute jumble last night. Perhaps it was also because I was so tired, but I ended up having the weirdest sequence of dreams. They all had a few common themes: bizarre situations, recognizable people (friends and family), stress, and violence.
after a bit of what appeared to be a conflict if romantic interests, I was 'flying' around this almost game over world area. There was a lot of water, almost like it was a swamp. For whatever reason, the people who I recognized as my friends began pursuing me, criticizing me about the things I have gone through. I remember being very frightened and I was agitated. For whatever reason (probably because it was a dream), I had abilities that I didn't have normally. I was able to levitate and leap around, I could move my surroundings almost telepathically. At one point, I fled to this pond area that contained a koi fish that was twice my size. I remember I tried to move the water around, possibly so the fish could get to its food, but I didn't know. I clung to a tree to avoid the water, and that's when I was found again.
I don't know what caused this to happen, but I had summoned a massive amount of water, with the intent to flood out those who pursued me. I was tired of what they were trying to say, so I literally drowned them out (ba dum tss). I wanted to be left alone, so I made sure I was able to.
note: I am extremely afraid of big water. This was actually a point that was mentioned in an earlier part of the dream. I find it very odd that I would use it as a means of attack. I also remember swimming around in the dream after I flooded everything (it kind of turned into Rapture from Bioshock). I tried finding the other people, but I think it was at that point when the dream changed direction.
I'm not one to analyze my dreams like they actually mean something, but there is no question about how they influence the coming day. I feel a lot of the emotions I felt, I am reminded by them when I talk with someone who was present in the dream. Though none of it was real, I feel like I'm compelled to relive some of the dream, like it is a premonition, or fate.
its stupid, I know. But its just what happens. Fear not, because I don't actually have any powers and I certainly don't have the ability to summon a flood. Trust me.
after a bit of what appeared to be a conflict if romantic interests, I was 'flying' around this almost game over world area. There was a lot of water, almost like it was a swamp. For whatever reason, the people who I recognized as my friends began pursuing me, criticizing me about the things I have gone through. I remember being very frightened and I was agitated. For whatever reason (probably because it was a dream), I had abilities that I didn't have normally. I was able to levitate and leap around, I could move my surroundings almost telepathically. At one point, I fled to this pond area that contained a koi fish that was twice my size. I remember I tried to move the water around, possibly so the fish could get to its food, but I didn't know. I clung to a tree to avoid the water, and that's when I was found again.
I don't know what caused this to happen, but I had summoned a massive amount of water, with the intent to flood out those who pursued me. I was tired of what they were trying to say, so I literally drowned them out (ba dum tss). I wanted to be left alone, so I made sure I was able to.
note: I am extremely afraid of big water. This was actually a point that was mentioned in an earlier part of the dream. I find it very odd that I would use it as a means of attack. I also remember swimming around in the dream after I flooded everything (it kind of turned into Rapture from Bioshock). I tried finding the other people, but I think it was at that point when the dream changed direction.
I'm not one to analyze my dreams like they actually mean something, but there is no question about how they influence the coming day. I feel a lot of the emotions I felt, I am reminded by them when I talk with someone who was present in the dream. Though none of it was real, I feel like I'm compelled to relive some of the dream, like it is a premonition, or fate.
its stupid, I know. But its just what happens. Fear not, because I don't actually have any powers and I certainly don't have the ability to summon a flood. Trust me.
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