Wow, that was fast.

What happened? Last i checked it was the beginning of April and i was excited because i finally had drywall in my house. now its almost the end of the month and I'm losing my mind (again).

but where were we the last time I posted anything? well, funny you ask, because i have a whole plethora of stories to tell. and as always, i mean to post about them the day of or day after, but you should know me enough by now to expect nothing less than a bit late.

yeah, i procrastinate, what of it?

what was that?

school is ending in two weeks?

. . .

oh shit.

I'll send an SOS to the world, I'll send an SOS to the world

before my cabin fever completely takes control over me, allow me to share some good news with you.

as I was returning from school today I received a call from my mom saying she was in touch with the people who are rebuilding my apartment. They are getting to the point where they are putting the flooring in soon. I saw they had nearly finished the drywall yesterday, so this is excellent news!

everything is coming up on me so fast, I don't know what to do. 3 weeks of school left, and if I can get my things together, I will be completely done with school. And now I will be moving back into my home soon too? Maybe I should go buy a lottery ticket and test the rest of my luck.

its going to be a busy week. I just hope I can keep myself composed.

movin on up

wow. Where did this week go? I know it's only been a few days, but I feel like this whole week has disappeared. Am I just stuck in a time paradox again, cause that happens from time to time.

in other news, I've started my "lead" training today, and not a whole lot has happened. I mean, everything I've done today is stuff I already knew, the most significant thing I've done was help restock and rearrange a storage closet.

I can't quite remember if there was something I was wanting to write about, I feel like there was but its anyone's guess now.

another scary fact: less than a month of school left. WHERE DID THE TIME GO?!?

I just ought to take it easy for a while, not do anything crazy. No promises, though.

Well you got what you wanted, was what you want what you got?

this past weekend, I've calculated the pros and cons of doing the meds shift. Let me list a few:

pros:
more pay
not as tight as a schedule
opportunity to listen to music
more chances to get to know the residents
not as much "dirty" work

cons:
a lot of pressure to have everything done on time
you are completely alone
big consequences if you make a mistake
everyone asks you for advice on things you are just as clueless about
a lot of responsibility

not too bad, but you get the picture.


I do like the shift, its just a bit scary if you don't know what to do. More than anything, I need it because I'm training to be a "lead" this next weekend. I'm really nervous about it, but than again I am excited because I'm able to be more useful. A new position will definitely make the job more meaningful, but I don't know if I will actually work any of these shifts unless someone needs a cover. Oh well, experience is experience.

its hard to imagine that I've only been here 6 months and I'm already climbing up the ladder. I scare myself sometimes with how much I end up doing. Halp?

so excuse me for forgetting, but these things i do...

life has a way of getting you worked up and bringing you down at the same time. Within the last week or so, we lost 3 of our residents, two of whom I was familiar with, the other was one I wanted to get to know. I don't know if it hurts less than I thought because we all were expecting these people to pass on, or if I have just gotten used to the feeling.

I mentioned last time about a dream I had and what it's incoherent message meant to me, and I think that its because I feel so encouraged by my own subconscious that I'm able to bounce back from when I'm feeling down.

(was that even English?)

after school on Tuesday, I drove out into the mountains just because I could. I got the feeling like I didn't want to go home but I didn't know where else to go. I needed to feel like I was going somewhere, so I did. The drive was beautiful and really helped me feel better.

all this weekend im doing some big training for work, so I don't really have time to think about posts, but I'll manage.

One more time, One more chance.

once again, I found myself having a rather interesting dream last night. It was rather odd, and involved quite a large amount of time travel. Bare with me here, it made sense in the dream.

for whatever reason, I kept traveling back in time to various points in my grade school years. I don't remember why or what I was trying to accomplish, but I had a bit of a realization when I arrived in a somewhat skewed version of my sophomore year. It didn't matter to me if I was able to change anything that already happened or fix a mistake, I was just glad to see the people who I knew back then.

people who I have long since lost contact with, or even those who aren't here anymore, getting the chance to see them and talk with them was enough.

when I woke up, I felt rather profound for having thought such a meaningful thing, especially since i was asleep at the time.

another thing that has stuck with me was who i saw in the dream when i had the realization. Both close friends and acquaintances, everyone i knew at the time made a short cameo, and when things like that happen, i always feel very weird afterwards. Not that it's a bad thing, it just is.

How Embarrassing.

due to popular recommendation, I picked up this show called "Love, Chunibyo, and other delusions." Chunibyo, which is Japanese for "middle schooler's syndrome" or something like that, can be described as a state of mind someone enters where they live out fantasies, or something like that. Don't quote me on this. Imagine someone who is really into LARPing, I mean, REALLY into it. Now, that is their life, that is their reality, which they desperately hold to be true, or something like that. That is what chubibyo is, kinda, but its more like a phase, an incredibly embarrassing phase, usually experienced in middle school.

so the plot of this show follows a young man who has grown out of his chunibyo phase and wishes to have a normal life as a normal high schooler.  it shows moments where he is reminded of how he behaved in the past, which causes him to explode in embarrassment. The first time it showed this, I nearly slammed my head on my desk, because I knew EXACTLY how that feels. That's right, I was that kid. The ultra-literal, over-imaginative, socially awkward weirdo, that was me in a nutshell.

wait, was?

who am I kidding, I STILL AM!

in all seriousness, this show speaks to me on a very personal level, because I feel it. Every time the main character freaks out and frantically rolls across the floor in embarrassment screaming "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" I'm right there with him, because all it takes for me to send myself in a fit like that is to look through my old work that is posted on DeviantArt.

it also makes me want to write a paper on what sends people into these delusions, maybe I'll get the chance to in my psych class...

Defying Gravity

After a certain point is hit, there is only so much you can still care about things, like singing in public as you are walking around. Its nice when you are one of few pedestrians on the streets and your horrificly off key vocals are muffled by the sounds of the cars around you. Its liberating, to say the least.

it also ties in to the feeling when you listen to a song you haven't heard in years, and still know all the lyrics. Makes me feel like my memory isn't as bad as it often proves to be.

on another more depressing note, I am awake and working again a lot earlier than I want to be, but at least I am taking a class to better my job. Wish me luck, I may have made the mistake of bringing my sketchbook with me.

matter of fact

oh, was this supposed to be a daily blog? Well I am sorry but I haven't been able to keep up with it as much as I like, but I don't really care because I do what I want. It says so in this rule book, aptly named "things I've just made up."

in all seriousness, I feel if I update less frequently, I'll force myself to write more quality posts. I mean, its been over two weeks and I really don't have anything to talk about, at least nothing that I wish to speak publicly about. I could ramble on for days about how much fun it was to show my editor Attack on Titan, or how excited I am for its English release in June. Or how incredibly inspirational a show like Kill la Kill turned out to be, and now its over and I don't know what to do with my life. Really, I ought to just start a YouTube channel and review whatever the hell I want. But I have to wait to do that.

next week, Microsoft will be ending its support for Windows XP, which is what my 7 year old desktop runs. So now I need to be more serious about saving money for a new desktop since mine probably won't last till the end of the year. My computer has been my loyal friend for many of years, and I don't want to give it up, but alas, technology has changed, and so must I. I also need to upgrade my tablet system, because mine is falling apart. That makes me even more sad.

the point I'm trying to make here is that I absolutely need to wind the lottery some point soon, because there Aren't enough hours in the day or Mes to go around to make that much money when I need it. Sigh. Such is life.

Packed in a box

Today, my apartment is officially void of all (ok, most) of my belongings. I had a few friends come over and help me haul an extremely heavy tv to my garage, as well as one remaining book shelf which met its end only a few feet from the garage. It will not be missed.

its crazy to think that it won't be too much longer until I can return to a place of my own, though I have yet to hear of a time frame for the repairs. My mother and I have agreed on acceptable colors for the walls, I have a plan on how I want the rooms to be when I move back in, we're in good contact with the company who is in charge of the rebuild, and though not everyone is satisfied with the job that has been done so far, I am still grateful for all the hard work everyone involved has done.

it felt really good when my editor and I finished packing our final boxes. The last bits of cleaning we did, including removing an unsettling amount of mold from our refrigerator (which led to me getting sick after being in that environment for a week), may still have been futile, but it felt good to do something. We got rid of a lot of our things, which was a very hard thing to do, but it was necessary. I'm really looking forward to unpacking everything, because I will probably get rid of a lot more things as I go through it all.

until that point, its life back in the box for me.