Sorry to start this off with a downer, but five months ago, I received the news that my parents were separating. It took me a long time to process my feelings, and I still don't know how to handle it all. I've gone through many phases of sadness and anger and acceptance, then back to sadness and anger again. Depends on the day, really. And I've come to understand and know more and more about the things that happened before I could even begin to look outside my own universe, the more and more I feel conflicted. However, I feel it is time I speak up a little and at least let those around me know what I am going through, not that I ever really hid it, now I'm just using the Internet to talk.
As life progresses, we all gain friends, and we all lose friends. Human interpersonal relationships are hard to simplify because they are all so complex. Luckily, I have been fortunate enough to reconnect with many of my friends and gain a lot of new ones. I feel like I have a wonderful community and consider most of them to be family. However I know many others who are not as lucky as I and are currently engaged in turmoil with those who would be known as formerly close to them. It's not easy, especially to see it up close, but if there is anything I have learned from my own past, is that sometimes it is best for people to go their separate ways. Some need to have the hint spelled much more plainly if it is something they are resisting, especially if they are in denial about the circumstances that led to such a predicament, and I understand that too, since I was once in a similar situation. (Sorry)
Good news is that life goes on and things change as naturally as the seasons come and go. I think I will skip the excited nerd rant for tonight, but I want you all to know that I am ok, or at least I will be ok. I'm doing alright because of all of those whom I love and trust, to which I thank you. I am working hard and working on creating things again. I'm not giving up on fighting, I've only just begun.
Ok. I'll stop being introspective now. Back to memes.
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Friday, March 18, 2016
Countdown to 5 years: 5 reasons why I love you: 5
On March 19, 2011, my relationship with my editor began. We've been through a lot since then, but I wanted to take a quick moment on the five days leading to our official anniversary by saying one thing about my editor that l love. (Wow, that was a run on sentence. Sorry.)
There are way too many 5s in that title.
If there is something that you have never failed to do, it's to inspire me. Everything from how you look when you do things, to when you begin to ranble philosophically and so on. You inspire me to do art and to better myself. You inspire me to learn and to challenge things. You inspire me to do so much and it makes me happy to no end to know I do the same for you.
Recently, you've started drawing again. You used to just draw scientific things and dinosaurs (or really late Triassic crocodillian creatures). But you have started to just draw on your own, small things here and there like landscapes, and now you've focused on developing your own character from D&D. You have put a lot of time and effort into Atillus, and your art has improved so much over such a short period of time. You make me so proud that I was able to inspire you to create. You have also helped me so much with the progression of my story, and for that I am extremely grateful.
I was just starting to changed and add more characters to my story when I met you, and you made such an impact on me then I have based a major character on you. The small things you do make me think of how I want him to be portrayed, from your endless kindness and understanding, to your little quirks like going off and making philosophical speeches. From your gentle eyes to your loving smile, you have helped me make this character more than just that. And you know this. You also inspire me to make the story much more coherent and fluid. Thanks to you I'm turning it from where it started as a simple fantasy-esque tale to an in depth alternate history and hard scifi. You've helped me work out major plot details and universe building, and our conversations about it are some of my favorites to be had, especially when you enjoy talking about it as much as I do. Elements has always been a big part of my life and you whole heartedly embraced it from day one, and that means the world to me.
Thank you for always listening and being an ear I can bounce ideas off of.
There are way too many 5s in that title.
If there is something that you have never failed to do, it's to inspire me. Everything from how you look when you do things, to when you begin to ranble philosophically and so on. You inspire me to do art and to better myself. You inspire me to learn and to challenge things. You inspire me to do so much and it makes me happy to no end to know I do the same for you.
Recently, you've started drawing again. You used to just draw scientific things and dinosaurs (or really late Triassic crocodillian creatures). But you have started to just draw on your own, small things here and there like landscapes, and now you've focused on developing your own character from D&D. You have put a lot of time and effort into Atillus, and your art has improved so much over such a short period of time. You make me so proud that I was able to inspire you to create. You have also helped me so much with the progression of my story, and for that I am extremely grateful.
I was just starting to changed and add more characters to my story when I met you, and you made such an impact on me then I have based a major character on you. The small things you do make me think of how I want him to be portrayed, from your endless kindness and understanding, to your little quirks like going off and making philosophical speeches. From your gentle eyes to your loving smile, you have helped me make this character more than just that. And you know this. You also inspire me to make the story much more coherent and fluid. Thanks to you I'm turning it from where it started as a simple fantasy-esque tale to an in depth alternate history and hard scifi. You've helped me work out major plot details and universe building, and our conversations about it are some of my favorites to be had, especially when you enjoy talking about it as much as I do. Elements has always been a big part of my life and you whole heartedly embraced it from day one, and that means the world to me.
Thank you for always listening and being an ear I can bounce ideas off of.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Countdown to 5 years: 5 reasons why I love you: 4
On March 19, 2011, my relationship with my editor began. We've been through a lot since then, but I wanted to take a quick moment on the five days leading to our official anniversary by saying one thing about my editor that l love. (Wow, that was a run on sentence. Sorry.)
I once made a post on Facebook about how you always inspire my adventurous spirit, and it remains true to this day. Getting out and being able to explore this world with you is one of my favorite things ever, mostly because I get to do it with you. Honestly I don't care if it's the real world we are exploring or some fictional world, it's way more fun being together. We have traversed many lands together.
We've driven across the country multiple times and flew around it a few as well, especially last year. Our first trip together was when we went from where you lived in New Mexico all the way Wichita Falls for the damnned YuGiOh movie. The second was when you come up with me and my mother to visit where we live now (and we know how that turned out). After we moved up here we went back down to New Mexico to help my parents move to South Carolina. Our first spring break after getting together, we went and explored the California desert. We go out on walks all the time and end up and some restaurant we've never been to just on a whim. And don't even get me started on our trips to Austin, TX. But it's not just traveling with you that's fun.
The unbelievable amount of time we have spent in Minecraft or in 7 Days to Die, building and exploring those worlds, I love spending time with you doing that. I don't even want to play on my own because playing with you is so much fun. We've learned how to compliment each other's style of play in a Halo firefight, you being the marksman and I the firebird. You also love watching me play other video games. You've witnessed me save the galaxy so many times, stop sociopathic AIs, and be the Hero of Time over and over and over. You even like watching me play Animal Crossing where I'm just doing small things here and there for my town (and by the way I still want to record our let's play in it, hopefully next week). I think one of our biggest accomplishments right now is how we have successfully completed Fallout 4, which is a single player game, cooperatively. We made a joint character and made choices in the game together. I thought it was going to be as hard as playing Portal 2's co-op mode but it was really easy. I would play and then you would play and we would switch back and forth whenever the other wanted (though I did hog it a lot and I'm sorry but I needed to get Hancock to love me)!
One other thing that I love is how much you show that you want to be a part of MY universe. You've sat with me and watched and read story after story and have better understood me thanks to them. That means the world to me! I can't ever really show just how much it does but even the small things like that are what I look back on fondly. You are my partner, my comrade, you have become an essential part of my being and I do not regret one second of it!
I once made a post on Facebook about how you always inspire my adventurous spirit, and it remains true to this day. Getting out and being able to explore this world with you is one of my favorite things ever, mostly because I get to do it with you. Honestly I don't care if it's the real world we are exploring or some fictional world, it's way more fun being together. We have traversed many lands together.
We've driven across the country multiple times and flew around it a few as well, especially last year. Our first trip together was when we went from where you lived in New Mexico all the way Wichita Falls for the damnned YuGiOh movie. The second was when you come up with me and my mother to visit where we live now (and we know how that turned out). After we moved up here we went back down to New Mexico to help my parents move to South Carolina. Our first spring break after getting together, we went and explored the California desert. We go out on walks all the time and end up and some restaurant we've never been to just on a whim. And don't even get me started on our trips to Austin, TX. But it's not just traveling with you that's fun.
The unbelievable amount of time we have spent in Minecraft or in 7 Days to Die, building and exploring those worlds, I love spending time with you doing that. I don't even want to play on my own because playing with you is so much fun. We've learned how to compliment each other's style of play in a Halo firefight, you being the marksman and I the firebird. You also love watching me play other video games. You've witnessed me save the galaxy so many times, stop sociopathic AIs, and be the Hero of Time over and over and over. You even like watching me play Animal Crossing where I'm just doing small things here and there for my town (and by the way I still want to record our let's play in it, hopefully next week). I think one of our biggest accomplishments right now is how we have successfully completed Fallout 4, which is a single player game, cooperatively. We made a joint character and made choices in the game together. I thought it was going to be as hard as playing Portal 2's co-op mode but it was really easy. I would play and then you would play and we would switch back and forth whenever the other wanted (though I did hog it a lot and I'm sorry but I needed to get Hancock to love me)!
One other thing that I love is how much you show that you want to be a part of MY universe. You've sat with me and watched and read story after story and have better understood me thanks to them. That means the world to me! I can't ever really show just how much it does but even the small things like that are what I look back on fondly. You are my partner, my comrade, you have become an essential part of my being and I do not regret one second of it!
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Countdown to 5 years: 5 reasons why I love you: 3
On March 19, 2011, my relationship with my editor began. We've been through a lot since then, but I wanted to take a quick moment on the five days leading to our official anniversary by saying one thing about my editor that l love. (Wow, that was a run on sentence. Sorry.)
There is nothing in this world that is untouched by the endless march of time.
Change is something that is both expected and yet surprising when it happens, but even the smallest moments in life may end up having a large effect on people. From the moment I met you there was a change in my life. I used to be someone who was so focused on regaining the past I didn't know what to do with the future when I was faced with it. I know I wasn't exactly the best kind of person and the more I think about it, the more I realized that all I did was hurt people, even if I didn't mean to. When I met you, we were planning on just being roommates. I was told there was this person who was intending to go to the same college I was intending on going to and would need a place to stay. I didn't care as long as I didn't have to live with another girl. We spoke a few words with one another but it wasn't until Christmas of 2010 when we actually met face to face. We both had the same reaction to each other which was something along the lines of "oh god you're cute!"
We got to know each other a little better over the next few months and little by little we were changing. After we started dating we changed more and more, especially after we started living together (see previous post for reference). When we had to face our problems head on, it took a lot of strength to overcome a lot of those things, but we did it together. However no one goes through this life unchanged by our experiences. The more unpleasant things we experienced had a lasting effect, though it was not entirely bad, and we both changed into much better people because of those thing. I have always been the kind of person who is proud of their scars and whatnot, I figured everyone was, but I was wrong. People who faced very different things in their pasts may not have been able to cope as well as I had and it took me a while to understand that, but thanks to you I did.
I used to be stubborn and unapologetic. Never give up, never surrender, but I leaned how important it is to be able to say "I'm sorry" or that "I was wrong," which though I am typically right about things, it's important to be able to say when you're not. That's something I learned from you. Something that means the world to me is that after an argument, you always come to me and ask "are we ok?" It's something like that that may seem so small but helps us come back together and remember what's really important, which is each other.
You are definitely not the same person I knew five years ago, let alone a few weeks ago. You have changed so much over the years it honestly surprises me. People may make fun of me for being "motherly" but getting a chance to see you grow as a person has been one of my favorite parts about being with you. I'm so proud of your development and it makes me so happy to know that I've been a huge part of that. I can honestly say that over the years we both have changed a lot, we've changed each other and changed for each other. The journey of changed is never easy and it is very hard to change things once you are set in your ways but the constant evolution of our beings something that should always be strived for, especially if it's for the the best. The changes we've experienced have definitely made us better people, and that is a truth I will always stand by.
Thank you for changing with me.
There is nothing in this world that is untouched by the endless march of time.
Change is something that is both expected and yet surprising when it happens, but even the smallest moments in life may end up having a large effect on people. From the moment I met you there was a change in my life. I used to be someone who was so focused on regaining the past I didn't know what to do with the future when I was faced with it. I know I wasn't exactly the best kind of person and the more I think about it, the more I realized that all I did was hurt people, even if I didn't mean to. When I met you, we were planning on just being roommates. I was told there was this person who was intending to go to the same college I was intending on going to and would need a place to stay. I didn't care as long as I didn't have to live with another girl. We spoke a few words with one another but it wasn't until Christmas of 2010 when we actually met face to face. We both had the same reaction to each other which was something along the lines of "oh god you're cute!"
We got to know each other a little better over the next few months and little by little we were changing. After we started dating we changed more and more, especially after we started living together (see previous post for reference). When we had to face our problems head on, it took a lot of strength to overcome a lot of those things, but we did it together. However no one goes through this life unchanged by our experiences. The more unpleasant things we experienced had a lasting effect, though it was not entirely bad, and we both changed into much better people because of those thing. I have always been the kind of person who is proud of their scars and whatnot, I figured everyone was, but I was wrong. People who faced very different things in their pasts may not have been able to cope as well as I had and it took me a while to understand that, but thanks to you I did.
I used to be stubborn and unapologetic. Never give up, never surrender, but I leaned how important it is to be able to say "I'm sorry" or that "I was wrong," which though I am typically right about things, it's important to be able to say when you're not. That's something I learned from you. Something that means the world to me is that after an argument, you always come to me and ask "are we ok?" It's something like that that may seem so small but helps us come back together and remember what's really important, which is each other.
You are definitely not the same person I knew five years ago, let alone a few weeks ago. You have changed so much over the years it honestly surprises me. People may make fun of me for being "motherly" but getting a chance to see you grow as a person has been one of my favorite parts about being with you. I'm so proud of your development and it makes me so happy to know that I've been a huge part of that. I can honestly say that over the years we both have changed a lot, we've changed each other and changed for each other. The journey of changed is never easy and it is very hard to change things once you are set in your ways but the constant evolution of our beings something that should always be strived for, especially if it's for the the best. The changes we've experienced have definitely made us better people, and that is a truth I will always stand by.
Thank you for changing with me.
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Countdown to 5 years: 5 reasons why I love you: 2
On March 19, 2011, my relationship with my editor began. We've been through a lot since then, but I wanted to take a quick moment on the five days leading to our official anniversary by saying one thing about my editor that l love. (Wow, that was a run on sentence. Sorry.)
Ok, day 2. Time to get a little more serious. I'm not going to lie, the last few years have not been easy. We've gone through hell and back but in the end we've always come out stronger. It takes a lot of effort to be with someone throughout the toughest moments of their lives but in the end, those who are willing to stand by you no matter how bad things get are the kind of people you should want around. That's what you've been for me, and that is what I've been for you. Living with another human is hard, just in general. Whether that person is a relative, friend, or stranger, it's hard to have every aspect of someone's personal life be criticized. So what if I have papers covering my entire desk? So what if you explode into various articles of clothing as soon as you enter the house? So what if my feet stink? So what if you leave your laptop in the bathroom all the time? We both have a lot of quirks and habits that we've developed over the years but we've managed to learn to deal with each other's as well. That's part of getting to know someone (and part of learning to live with someone). You may not be willing to put up with some of the quirks other people may have but you also may not be as invested in that person.
But we've invested a lot into each other, five years is a long time. You've been there for me through my darkest moments, and I, for you. Through the discovery of your complex PTSD and therapy, through the challenges I've faced with school and work, we've both learned a lot about each other and every moment we've been by each others side has only made us better people. I've learned to be more patient, compassionate, and understanding thanks to you, and you've learned how to live and love thanks to me. There are so many things I admire about you. I know it's hard for you to really understand just how much of an impact you've had on my life, but I promise you it really has been for the best. The things that make up good relationships, romantic or otherwise, are loyalty, commitment, understanding, and communication. The whole point of the first post I made for this week was to brag about how amazing our communication is. ALL WE EVER DO IS TALK, and that's very important for maintaining a good relationship. It took a long time for us to get to that point, hell, I didn't really open up to you for almost an entire year because it was hard for me to express myself with words. Now even if the words I express myself with are nonsense, you still understand me. I trust you, and I don't say that lightly. But you've earned my trust. It hasn't always been this way and there are things that have happened that broke that trust before but you have proven yourself to be worth it, just as I have.
Life itself is made of a multitude of experiences, good and bad, intentional and accidental, meaningful and meaningless, relationships are no different. Yes, I know things will not always be great, but I also know things will not always be bad. So far the bads have been BAD, but they are few and far between and the good moments are the majority. I told myself that as long as that was a truth then we would be ok. Right now, there is nothing that you and I can't do together, as long as we cooperate and listen to one another, as long as we still love each other, then nothing can tear us apart.
As long as I have you, I can conquer the world! Ahahaha!
And as long as I have you, I'm content to be wherever we are. (Preferably at home with our kitties).
Ok, day 2. Time to get a little more serious. I'm not going to lie, the last few years have not been easy. We've gone through hell and back but in the end we've always come out stronger. It takes a lot of effort to be with someone throughout the toughest moments of their lives but in the end, those who are willing to stand by you no matter how bad things get are the kind of people you should want around. That's what you've been for me, and that is what I've been for you. Living with another human is hard, just in general. Whether that person is a relative, friend, or stranger, it's hard to have every aspect of someone's personal life be criticized. So what if I have papers covering my entire desk? So what if you explode into various articles of clothing as soon as you enter the house? So what if my feet stink? So what if you leave your laptop in the bathroom all the time? We both have a lot of quirks and habits that we've developed over the years but we've managed to learn to deal with each other's as well. That's part of getting to know someone (and part of learning to live with someone). You may not be willing to put up with some of the quirks other people may have but you also may not be as invested in that person.
But we've invested a lot into each other, five years is a long time. You've been there for me through my darkest moments, and I, for you. Through the discovery of your complex PTSD and therapy, through the challenges I've faced with school and work, we've both learned a lot about each other and every moment we've been by each others side has only made us better people. I've learned to be more patient, compassionate, and understanding thanks to you, and you've learned how to live and love thanks to me. There are so many things I admire about you. I know it's hard for you to really understand just how much of an impact you've had on my life, but I promise you it really has been for the best. The things that make up good relationships, romantic or otherwise, are loyalty, commitment, understanding, and communication. The whole point of the first post I made for this week was to brag about how amazing our communication is. ALL WE EVER DO IS TALK, and that's very important for maintaining a good relationship. It took a long time for us to get to that point, hell, I didn't really open up to you for almost an entire year because it was hard for me to express myself with words. Now even if the words I express myself with are nonsense, you still understand me. I trust you, and I don't say that lightly. But you've earned my trust. It hasn't always been this way and there are things that have happened that broke that trust before but you have proven yourself to be worth it, just as I have.
Life itself is made of a multitude of experiences, good and bad, intentional and accidental, meaningful and meaningless, relationships are no different. Yes, I know things will not always be great, but I also know things will not always be bad. So far the bads have been BAD, but they are few and far between and the good moments are the majority. I told myself that as long as that was a truth then we would be ok. Right now, there is nothing that you and I can't do together, as long as we cooperate and listen to one another, as long as we still love each other, then nothing can tear us apart.
As long as I have you, I can conquer the world! Ahahaha!
And as long as I have you, I'm content to be wherever we are. (Preferably at home with our kitties).
Monday, March 14, 2016
Countdown to 5 years: 5 reasons why I love you: 1
On March 19, 2011, my relationship with my editor began. We've been through a lot since then, but I wanted to take a quick moment on the five days leading to our official anniversary by saying one thing about my editor that l love. (Wow, that was a run on sentence. Sorry.)
Anyway.
1. You GET me. I mean that, you really do understand me. From knowing how to translate my nonsense words to knowing what all my little twitches and wiggles mean, you've become quite fluent in Veronica speak. Sure, you're not nearly as fluent as say, my mother (whom has 20 more years of practice on top of a seemingly unbreakable and invisible umbilical cord), but you get all my nerd jargon and you understand what I mean when I say things like "you are poop" or "that is poop" or "poop poop poop poop" and so on. You know exactly what I want when I say "Scratchies" and understand what all my little faces mean, especially the "Dolan" face. We have more inside jokes than I can keep track of and every day there are more. The whole reason I call you my editor is because I trust you with helping make sense of all my words.
Our very first night that we truly had together (before we actually started dating) was spent talking to each other until the god awful hours of the morning. You drove down in your little white truck in the middle of a New Mexican blizzard just to see me, you even crashed your car on your way and probably should have turned around (since you had barely left town) but you came to see me anyway. That night we shared so much about our interests and learned just how much we already had in common. You were the first person that I had really explained my story and concept to and you listened to every word with excitement. To this day you are the only person who knows so much about Elements and thanks to you its universe has become so much more and you're always helping me with new ideas. Even from that moment I was excited to have you as a roommate.
I never get tired of talking to you, regardless of the topic. I've lost count of how often we spend lying awake talking to each other rather than sleeping. Even if we end up talking about the same things over and over and over its still fun to do. Aside from the cats, you are the one person I never get sick of being around and I really do mean it when I say I always want to be with you always.
Anyway.
1. You GET me. I mean that, you really do understand me. From knowing how to translate my nonsense words to knowing what all my little twitches and wiggles mean, you've become quite fluent in Veronica speak. Sure, you're not nearly as fluent as say, my mother (whom has 20 more years of practice on top of a seemingly unbreakable and invisible umbilical cord), but you get all my nerd jargon and you understand what I mean when I say things like "you are poop" or "that is poop" or "poop poop poop poop" and so on. You know exactly what I want when I say "Scratchies" and understand what all my little faces mean, especially the "Dolan" face. We have more inside jokes than I can keep track of and every day there are more. The whole reason I call you my editor is because I trust you with helping make sense of all my words.
Our very first night that we truly had together (before we actually started dating) was spent talking to each other until the god awful hours of the morning. You drove down in your little white truck in the middle of a New Mexican blizzard just to see me, you even crashed your car on your way and probably should have turned around (since you had barely left town) but you came to see me anyway. That night we shared so much about our interests and learned just how much we already had in common. You were the first person that I had really explained my story and concept to and you listened to every word with excitement. To this day you are the only person who knows so much about Elements and thanks to you its universe has become so much more and you're always helping me with new ideas. Even from that moment I was excited to have you as a roommate.
I never get tired of talking to you, regardless of the topic. I've lost count of how often we spend lying awake talking to each other rather than sleeping. Even if we end up talking about the same things over and over and over its still fun to do. Aside from the cats, you are the one person I never get sick of being around and I really do mean it when I say I always want to be with you always.
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