Happy Hour

I had planned to get so much work done today, and I did nothing. My editor and I overslept and had a lot of errands to run before he leaves, not to mention that its been cold and snowy all day. So, we did accomplish anything. I had wanted to pack up more of the contents of my apartment, but that went no where.

since the time is slowing counting down to when my editor leaves, so we had planned, or really were required to attend this weeks happy hour. So that's where we are.

and since I still have some cognitive ability, I figured I should go ahead and write my post new. But food is here, so I'm going to just leave this hanging.


bye.

I didn't ask for this

Depending on the weather, my editor is planning on leaving for his six month long internship in a few days. I really don't want him to go, mostly because I really enjoy his company, but there is so much going on, I can't do it by myself. I know I will get to see him every so often, and he won't be that far away, but still...

So I've been spending most of my day with him, doing what we always do, which is nothing, mostly. The weather is going to be really nasty all tomorrow, and it's my only full day off and my last real day to spend time with him. I work like crazy all week, and have an asston of homework to do. 

This is going to be fun.

I want to break free

(meant as yesterdays post.)


I really feel like I'm always working against myself. For the life of me, I can't focus on the things I need to do when I need to do then. I mean, take this blog for example. If I'm not at work, I barely remember to post. Its not like I forget, its just I never take the time to actually do it. I always have ideas of what to write, I just always put them off until I'm too tired to do anything.

and don't even get me started on my homework. I honestly need to be transported to another dimension where the only thing I can do is my homework. Sure, I'll spend more time staring off into space and day dreaming than actually working, but I like to think that I would actually get the work done on time.

I really want to do well in my classes, especially my psychology class. But since its online, I'm bound to put it off and mess it up unless I fund someone to hold me accountable. . .

wait a minute. . . I have an idea. . .

the friend I made not too long ago is both a psychology student, as well as a Japanese student. . . And I do want to spend more time with her. . .

brb guys, I gotta go send a message to her. . .

So long, farewell

Its funny how drastically different our lives are if you change one detail. If I hadn't switched jobs when I did, I would have been in severe trouble at least financially when the floods hit. If I has stayed at that job, there is no telling how things would have gone, especially in regards to the flooding. I imagine I would have lost a lot more of my stuff, as well as not had the time to take off to handle the clean up. I probably would have worked myself to the bone trying to play catchup, and I image I would have also failed my math class as a result.

I do miss that old restaurant, and I do miss all the people there. A few days ago, I found out that the Italian restaurant that I used to work at closed down. I hadn't been back since I left, and now I won't get that chance. A lot of the people there transferred to other locations, so I can still see them, but it may be more difficult to do so.

it really made me think, even if I did stay, right now, I would be out of the job. I'm glad things turned out the way they did for me, and I can only hope my former coworkers will be lucky in finding new work as well. Its rough out there. . .

eventually, I'll go visit one of the locations, who knows.

its things like this that make me grateful for what I do have.

the cold never bothered me anyway

so, its snowing again, and I'm still here working. I've had about a gallon of green tea and I don't know what I'm going to be doing past 10pm. I ought to clean up, since the house seems to have had a tornado blow through it. I cut off all my fingernails, so I guess I could repaint them. I could finish the drawing that I've been working on for the last week, or even draw my homework. I could play more of the game I recently got, which is only half crap. I'm not feeling to active, nor am I sleepy or exhausted.

I'm just meh.

and I've been meh for the last three days, hence why I don't write anything.

I kind of want to take a bath, but I'd get too hot and bored before I had a chance to enjoy it.

maybe, since its snowing, I'll take my sister's dog out and take more pictures of her derping in the snow. Maybe I'll try and recreate my home in a video game and design it exactly how I want it to be when its fixed.

maybe I'll go and buy some lottery tickets.

or maybe I'll use that money to clean the toilet, since it will actually be more useful that way. . .

maybe I'll stop dragging out this post and actually do something.

maybe I will.

maybe I won't.

And on the third day. . .

Yeah, I missed three days of posts, what of it? I've done a so so job of posting consistently for the last 7 months, I'm allowed to slack off every now and then. Besides, all I've done the past few days is sit on my butt and play video games, and work.

if I have extra time, maybe I'll do double posts today and tomorrow, but I do still have homework, so no promises.

maybe I'll do another picture post, and post some pictures of my cats that I have taken over the last few months. Trust me, they are worth it.

Expecting the Unexpected

After not working for over a week, I didn't know what I was in for. I didn't even know whether or not I was actually going to work. One of my coworkers is/was pregnant and her due date was yesterday. I'm assuming that since she is not here, she is taking it easy and not overworking herself.

when I come in every day, I always check at the front desk to check for updates, mostly regarding residents and if they have passed away. I saw two. One, who just started living here not that long ago and who's health had rapidly declined, and the other who's health was questionable, as it went up and down frequently. The second passed away this morning. There was a third who's health had also declined within the last month.

I often took care of him and his wife, whom I had mixed feelings about. She is a little hard to handle for many reasons, and she seemed to become easier irritated by her husband. When he first started getting sick, she had a bit of a change of character. He was in the hospital for a while, and she became very quiet and rather easy to deal with. It showed that she really still does care about him.

when I came in today, I was told to expect him not to last much longer. I've checked on him at least every hour, if not more frequently. He never moved, he just lied there, breathing heavily. At one point, there was someone from hospice who was with him, and she told me that his breathing was what is considered "end of life" breathing.

sure enough, she was right. We were all expecting it, we just didn't know when. I checked on him not to long ago, and that was when I saw him. He was completely still.

the rest of the process is just work related and jargon, but still. . .

is it because I was anticipating this moment that is why it doesn't really bother me? I know there wasn't anything anybody could do about it but wait.

I think what bothered me about this whole thing is how he was breathing. A few years ago when I lost my grandmother, she was in the exact same state when we finally saw her. We all were there for that last moment, and I was right by her side. I wonder, if what I'm feeling is because I'm reminded of my memories and my own experiences, and that's why it feels weird.

I'm even more upset over one of my favorite residents moving out. We had really bonded and I was sad that I didn't get to say goodbye. I saw her husband today and told her to give her my regards. I understand why she had to leave and I guess it can't be helped. It is possible I will see her again, and I'm happy she is ok, I'm just going to miss her a whole lot. I hope we at least made her happy, and the same could be said for all the residents. . .

all this was bound to happen sooner or later. . .

thebitcheswilllovethis

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2NS1umhAAeg

favorite video, ever.

Omigosh. Where do I start. Well, since this is the post I mean to write last night, lets start with the morning.

my parents were due to fly out right after noon, so we gathered for breakfast in a town between our two locations. It was a good breakfast, and I enjoy being with my family. It was a great trip all together. I'm actually sad its over, but alas.

I said my goodbyes to my parents and headed off to school. Since it was the first day of class, campus was packed. I got to see a lot of familiar faces, including my Japanese teacher who, in response to seeing me retaking his class said, "oh, its dejavu!"

we started going over vocabulary that I already knew, and my mind stopped when I head ぶどう, or grapes. It reminded me of the "people like grapes" shirt I've been dying to buy, but its always out of stock. Sooooooo, my brain went"I HAVE AN IDEA! QUICK, GET THAT PENCIL!" and next thing I knew, I had a silly drawing.

and speaking of drawing, my Drawing for the Graphic Novel class was awesome. Besides actually being encouraged to draw during class, I'm surrounded by people with similar aspirations as me! Not to mention, the former anime club president and a member who still needs to return my DVDs, are in that class! I'm so excited!

so by the time I went home, completely forgetting to stop by my godmother's house, I had one goal: SCAN ALL THE DRAWINGS!!!

and I did. And I finished the drawing I wanted to, as well as win an argument on the internet.

it was a good day.

http://notanotherzombie.deviantart.com/art/SuRoMo-san-428664394

And you're going to hear me roar

I am definitely back up to full strength today. We went out to the rather large town to the south and viewed some potential homes with my parents. Depending on where the next year plays out in terms of jobs for my father, they may or may not move close to us. Which is a good thing. With my questionable living situation and uncertainty of next fall, I have offered to become their troll living in their basement who sometimes comes out to clean the rest of the house. Yeah, it's not very good if a 22 year old goes back and lives with their parents, but if they get too big of a house, I am willing to help them out with it. 

Several of the places we looked at had enormous basements that could totally house a separate family. The last house we looked at was the most recently built and was in a gated community. It reminded me a lot of where we used to live in California. I liked that. Some of the other places were extreme fixer-uppers and wouldn't be worth it unless we were suddenly millionaires. 

But, it did give me a chance to think about what kind of house I could see myself living in, possibly with a family of my own. So far the only thing I'm definitely looking for is walking distance to a grocery store. I've had that in the last several (some only a few blocks away, some further) I've lived, and it is a wonderful thing. It encourages me to excersize too. 

My parents leave tomorrow, so I am going to have an early breakfast with them, then it is off to school for me. I hope this semester isn't a total shit storm like the last one. . . Hopefully with less flooding too. .  

Even when I dream all day

today started out absolutely shitty. Like, beyond you can imagine. But when I finally got things going, my editor and I started to clean up the garage. My parents and sister went to watch the football game at my godparents house, and I had planned to go there at halftime since I care little for sports.

while in the garage, I moved around the paint cans, rather poorly, and one of them fell onto my right leg. It slammed into the muscle on my leg and left a nasty gash on my ankle. I'm really glad my editor was there otherwise I might have been in a lot more trouble if he wasn't. He helped me inside and cleaned up my wound, and we gave up on the garage and he drove me to be with everyone else.

the lesson of the day kids is always use the buddy system.

I like trains

I really wish I had the ability to move somewhere and start a new life. The problem is, I have a lot of obligations here, I don't have enough money, and I don't know where I'd want to go. Traveling is a good substitute, but I want a place I could call home, with a place I'd be happy working, and somewhere I could make friends.

I could go to one of the places where my friends live, but that is still a hard decision to make. I've seriously considered Austin, despite my absolute hate for Texas. But at least that is where rooster teeth/achievement hunter is, and funimation is in Dallas, which isn't too far away. If I improve my translation skills, I could work for them...

I'm stuck here at least until May, and if I choose to hang around until my editor is finished with his schooling, well, that would mean I'm here a lot longer.

I don't know what I want to do.

I'll start with sleep, and I'll see where it goes from there.

I still don't know what I'm doing

shout out to the oatmeal for this one.

I have been up for at least two hours and I haven't accomplished anything. I've been moping around the house in my pajamas and my greatest accomplishment is that I managed to eat a bowl of Cheerios, which I shared with several felines.

I'm happy that I got so much cleaning done over the last few days, but I feel like I haven't actually done anything. My creative ideas are constantly flowing, but nothing has come of it. I have tried repeatedly to draw a few pictures on my computer, but I keep messing up and haven't touched them since. In this way, I am glad school is starting, since it will give me something to procrastinate over.

I want to keep playing all the games and reading all the things, but all I seem to do is wander to YouTube and waste time doing whatever. And when I get bored, I just walk around and go right back to the computer when I'm done.

but right now I don't even want to do that. If anything, I just want to stay in bed. I want to sleep more, but I also ought to dismantle the Christmas tree.

I don't remember what time my parents are supposed to be back from their mandatory fun thing, but I know we have dinner around 5 at their friend's house. I really should at least go shower, or bathe, or something.

but even if I take a bath, I'll get bored quickly.

god I hate this feeling.

Faster than my bullet!

somewhere up in the air, are my parents. Hopefully, tonight will go smoothly. We have tickets to see a basketball game and no plans after that I know of. Since my editor works close by and gets off a little before the game ends, I want to try and convince everyone to go for dinner. That, and there are a lot of good restaurants that I want to take my family to.

So in the meantime, I'm trying to finish cleaning up since this place reverts to a disaster state after 45 hours. I'm sure I have enough time before they get here. I just wish my editor didn't have to work today. That way he could help me.

I need to take the effort and put music back on my iPod. School starts next week and its enough of a drive that I want to have my jams. That takes a lot longer than you imagine.

alright. Enough rambling.

its always the same

I really need to write posts as soon as I think of them. I've forgotten so many potential posts, its not even funny.

in other news, my parents who were supposed to be here today, had their flight canceled. So they will be here tomorrow. I mentioned earlier how there was supposed to be a meeting with the HOA, and I had my times wrong. However, I ran to the woman who is pretty much in charge of a lot of the project, and she caught me up to speed. Things aren't looking good, at all. The insurance companies won't pay and the company who did all the demo/clean up are trying to change more than what they should. And, to top it all off, there isn't enough money to even basically fix everything. Not even back to have it used to be.

they are planning on filling in the holes in the drywall. Like, the two feet of wall that is missing around the entire house. But that won't be for a while and when it is time, the apartment needs to be completely empty. Same things for when they have to put drywall back in my sisters house. So the living room and my bedroom have to be empty, great.

I hope I actually accomplish something tomorrow. Today was rather bland.

who knows. We'll see.

Euphoric Dream

why is it every time I have a dream where it mixes real life and fiction, I wake up from it questioning everything? I mean, its not like I'll confuse the two, I have a very sound understanding of reality. But I can't shake the feeling that dream gave me.

I wish I could revisit the dream I had, so I could remember all the things I missed. I remember having a decent conversation with someone in the dream, and it was surprising they way it was turning out. I remember saying something very profound. It was a very ME like thing to say, too. It was about how feelings can change depending on how frequently people interact, or something like that. However I phrased it, it really impressed the person I was talking to, and they were really intrigued by me.

I still feel like I'm perpetuating the dream, in a sense by thinking about it so much.

its not like its a bad thing, is it?

Ow, my back.

oh my god, it was a busy day. I thought my parents were supposed to arrive today, but they informed me that they won't be here until Wednesday. I'm ok with that. The days I previously set aside to devote my cleaning spree on, I used to, um, do mostly nothing, actually. And since the house reverts into a fur filled disaster state within 45 hours after cleaning, I postponed my chores until today.

I'm most of the way done with pretty much everything, just a few things need to be completed and I only have a few more tasks to tackle. I rearranged my room like I always do when I clean. Since my editor will be leaving for an internship next month, I figured I might as well adjust my temporary living quarters to better suit myself for the upcoming semester. Hopefully by the time he's back, we'll be back in our own home. No promises.

I'm pretty sure it's tomorrow, according to the planner at the fishbowl, our HOA has its monthly meeting. For once, I won't be working, so I get to attend without interruption. I don't know if I previously mentioned this, but since my place of employment is so close to my place of residence, it's amusing that it is also the location of the meetings.

tomorrow is a big day, and I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to take on all that the world plans to throw at me. However, I have no choice but to face it and roll with the punches. I hears we might get a bit more snow, but I honestly would love some more clear weather. It encourages me to keep cleaning.

right. I need sleep.

Sledgehammer

(Today's alternative title was Wrecking Ball).

Oh what to do, what to do. What should I say? How should I go about doing things? Will the things I say actually make a difference? It hasn't shown to have yet, and if anything, I feel like talking only made it worse. Since when does that happen?!?!

I've got a whole day to plan out my strategy, and I have to account for all possible everythings. My other options are few and far between, and I'm pretty much stuck where I am unless I want to go massively in debt. But if I were to escape, where would I go? What could I bring with me? Would life actually get better?

I really hope things work out here so I don't have to find another way out. Things could work but everybody has to do their fair share.

knowing how I am, there is only one way I could possibly make this work, and that's if: I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL!!!!!!



seriously though, shit might actually break.

Back with a vengeance

it's just one of those days, I tell you. As much as I wanted to enjoy the rest of last night, the location my editor and I chose was not a very enjoyable environment. I don't like to complain about bad service, because I try and have an understanding of what actually is happening, but even I get pissy.

ah well, cheap steak is cheap steak.

I'm trying to enjoy myself as much as I can, but all I seem to be doing us being mopey and staying by myself. With the exception of going out for tea with my new friend. We had a lot of fun, and I can't stop craving tea now.

I'm also starting to doubt how much I want to keep this job. This feeling rushes over me every now and then, it just makes me take a hard look at my life and ask "is this really what I want?"

of course, I don't really have a lot of other options. I know I'm not stuck, but it sure feels like it. I get that feeling for all aspects of my life.

right now the only thing I want to do is sit and watch a lot of videos about video games and how they have changed society as well as other topics that are mentally stimulating. It really calmed me down earlier. That, and every time I turned around, there was a little tuxedo face looking at me, reaching out for me.

ah, good times.

This Kid's Not Alright

I miss some days. Ita a fact of life. If I don't post, I'll probably make up for it later.

anyway. . .

I really like running into people I know when I'm around town. Its like a pleasant surprise that I don't have to completely commit time to.

i don't know, maybe its just a nice reminded that other people know i exist.

I'm not really helping my case, am i.

maybe I'll have more to say after my meeting with my new friend is over.

How Unpleasant

(its the catchphrase of the main character in the anime I just finished rewatching with my editor)

Maybe it's just the weather, or something in the air, but I'm definitely loosing my mind. Again.

I don't know what causes this feeling, or what to do with it besides lazy around the house.

whatever, in just going to lay it low for a bit.

Stir Crazy

I don't understand. I always am so bleh and melancholy on Tuesdays. For me. Its one of my slowest days at work, so I just end up wandering around until someone needs something. I'm glad that its slow, because that means everyone is ok, but I'm just bored.

For Christmas, I bought myself as well as my mom and sister copies of the Hyperbole and a Half book, which is amazing, by the way. I haven't finished reading it yet, but the one my editor and I read last night was all about how she wants to be a good person, but often gets in her own way for everything. I totally feel that right now. There are things that I could be doing, but I really don't want to, but I have the intent to help, so that's enough, right?

here I am being an ass again.

maybe if I drink some coffee I'll perk up. I don't know. I'm nervous and very excited that my dad is finally coming to visit again, but there is so much I still have to do. I don't want my family to use their visit helping me sort out my life (or in my case, my garage), but I really can't do it without help.

what I'm also saying is that I need more friends. I don't care if I have to make new ones or have all my old friends move here, I just want more people to bother, er, I mean hang out with.

especially since my editor is leaving in a month.

I don't know what to do. . .

ah well, go get this stuck in your heads. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TBcOhYRYn3M

Can you hear me, Major Tom? Can you hear me Major Tom?! Can you heaaaar.. . .

Here. . . Am I floating around my tin can. . .

I hate fighting an uphill battle, because everytime I try and level the playing field, the ground goes back up farther than I can reach. But I can't give up, not after all that I've done. I'm still holding on to what ever form of normalcy and stability I have, and it keeps getting yanked away from me.

the problem is, what's ripping it away isn't something any of us can control and we barely know anything about it. We're flying blind and trying to land. Our only bet to beat it is to stop fighting amongst ourselves and join together. Giving up isn't an option either. Nothing is ever going to get fixed if we run away from our problems. Yeah it sounds like a cliche plot of some Shounen anime, but that's all I've got to go by.

sorry again for the vagueness, but its all I can say.

Do you want to build a snowman?

Wow, I mean talk about a winter wonderland out there. The Day After Tomorrow is happening all over the northeastern part of the country, and we're just over here playing with our snow plows.

in all honesty, I love this weather. I have to hold back the urge to just jump in and roll around in this ankle deep frozen funhouse. I have to remind myself that its cold and wet and I'm barely wearing any clothes. If there is anything I can get from it, is that I get to watch my sister's little dog go crazy in it. Seriously, this little dog loooooooves the snow. She runs outside and starts immediately biting and attacking the snow. She leaps and bounds through the piles that are as deep as her, and when I make a snowball, she tries to fetch it when I throw it, to no avail.

even though its freakishly cold, I always want to go for a walk in it. I love it when its dark out and the street lights make the snow sparkle and shimmer. I've always loved that. I guess its because when the city is covered in snow, it makes it seem like an entirely different place. Its exciting and wondrous. Its so, surreal.

maybe I'll bundle up extra and go play in it. I'm not too old to do that, am I?

This too shall pass.

I know I spent a lot of time talking about my residents, but some of them are truly wonderful and interesting people.

yesterday, I was given the task of returning some papers a few college students wrote after interviewing some residents. I wanted to read them before I gave them back, buy I didn't get a chance to last night. So while I had some free time, I read through them and finally gave them back. I likes getting the chance to learn more about these people, since sometimes its a little awkward trying to talk to them.

I don't know if I've talked about this specific woman, but she is one if my favorite residents. She is so knowledgeable and loves to talk. She's open to a lot of new ideas and I absolutely love to talk with her. She actually had three papers written about her, all said about the same thing, and there was one quote they contained.

"This too shall pass."

I've heard that phrase before because my father says it a lot. Its a very relevant phrase, and can apply to both good situations and bad. "this is only temporary" is a very similar phrase with the same meaning.

when I gave her papers back to her, we stood and talked for a good 15 minutes, jumping subjects, but we both had a lot of valuable information to share. If I was able to, I would just come here to visit and talk with her! She quickly jumped on to my list of the most inspirational people in my life (who actually exist).

I wonder though, if why I am so fond if her is because she reminds me so much of my father. . .

Ain't nobody got time for that

most of the time, I'm a pretty nice and reasonable person. But everything now and then when things go wrong, I end up turning into a real bastard. I'm the kind of person who do whatever seems necessary to fix a problem, and in most cases, that gets me in trouble. I always mean well, and I won't do things to make other people mad, but I have a tendency to go over peoples heads and cause even more trouble.

I mean, at times, I'll do the wrong things for the right reasons, but it involves me overstepping my bounds a lot. I'm very "if you won't do ***, I will!!!" and I actually do. I don't mean it in a disrespectful way either. Its just what happens.

I'll say sorry, but I won't be sorry for my actions, more like I'm sorry that I had to take things into my own hands. I guess.

I'm kind of a douche bag sometimes.

King for a Day

doing really good today. My editor and I were up before 10am, at least awake before 10. . . Spent a lot of time just, messing around and actually accomplished something. I went to do adult things, like grocery shopping and banking. Got a little drawing on. Then went out for tea with some friends.

ok. Went to a friends house for tea because she's about to move away, and while I was there, I pretty much found a clone of myself.

she is a lot like me, has a lot of my same interests and ideas. We approach things in the same way too. So, I just found my new best friend, I hope :D

I've got a lot I still want to do before work tomorrow, but before that. . .

#itsbedtimeright

New Year New Me

I woke up early, laid in bed for a while, kept reading the book series I have been keeping up with, woke up my editor, went to breakfast, had too many mimosas, came home, took a nap, watched more of this awesome show with my editor, cleaned up a little, had company, and now I'm in the process of making dinner. Its been a pretty good day. Not to mention, its one of my precious days off, so I'm definitely enjoying it.

so, what do I plan on doing this year? Well, I'm going to do what I want to do, most of all.

so yeah, I'm going to watch more anime and play more video games. I'm also going to focus a lot on my classes, and try not to fail at work. Pretty much just do what I have been doing, but better, and more often.

I honestly can't do anything else, my life situation isn't suddenly going to change because the sun completed its orbit according to how us humans record time.

I can only do my best.