So let’s start this off right, and I’m sorry that it’s a huge jump from yesterday’s really mournful tone, but fuck it. It’s my Birthday.
In fact, because it’s my birthday I feel like today is the best day to say all this.
I am asexual.
Specifically demisexual, but I’ll explain that in a bit.
Many many many years ago, my editor and I had a roommate. They (that’s the singular they) were always queer, that’s just how we knew them. They were our first real look into queer culture outside of just homosexuality. They were pansexual, and polyamorous as well. They explained what that all meant very well.
A few years later I discovered what Asexual meant, which in the context of human sexuality, is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Now each experience is different for each person after that point, but when I learned about it I felt like I really understood something about myself. I have had many boyfriends in the past, and as an adult I have experienced intimacy with them as well, but it wasn’t like I felt physically drawn to them in that way, I like looking at people but I always pegged that to be more because I’m an artist.
That’s when demisexuality came into play. Demisexuality is when someone doesn’t experience sexual attraction until a strong emotion bond is formed. And boy did that make sense to me. Because I do feel it, sometimes, but only with certain people.
Over the last year I’ve slowly dropped the hint about it, and I think my family knows now. My editor was the first person to really know and he has given me so much love as support throughout this journey.
Now speaking of my editor, let’s talk about gender expression shall we?
He and I have never really strongly identified with our assigned gender as much as most cis people do, but we also don’t identify as the opposite nor do we experience dysphoria. But there is a term for that: demigendered. He and I both identify as demi (I a demigirl and he a demiboy) which from the outside really doesn’t look all that different, and maybe it really isn’t, but it’s something that helped us become more comfortable with ourselves and each other as we learned these things about ourselves.
Now, to top off this queer cake, let’s talk about relationships.
Remember that roommate who was polyamorous? Well, we didn’t start dating them, but we learned a lot from them. Through a lot of heartbreak, my editor realized he had feelings for another person and the discussion about polyamory was on the table. I was always ok with the idea but I was too shy to really bring it up myself. That situation didn’t end up going anywhere, but we learned a lot. It helped open up our communication as a couple that much more and now we’re pretty much each other’s wing man. And let me tell you, this is really fun!
There is another friend of mine who reached out to me online after a concert two years ago and now she and I are the best of friends. She is also insanely beautiful. We always say we love each other and support and appreciate each other. She also is fond of my editor. I always liked the idea of adding her to our big gay home but through two separate events, she ended up in some kind of advanced friendship with both my editor and myself. I’ve decided to call ourselves “gal pals” (an Internet term for people misreading lesbians) and I honestly love it. Even if things don’t go anywhere with the more intimate parts of this relationship, she is a wonderful friend and I really do love her.
So yeah.
I’m ace and I’m polyam.
And I figured this was the best way to celebrate both my birthday and pride month.
If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask. I’m all about sharing the information!
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