It's been more than a year and a half since my last post and don't get your hopes up, I'm still not going to be updating this often. Don't really feel inclined to. However, I do feel it's better to post big life updates here than, like... on FB. FB is for cat pictures and commie memes. Twitter isn't much better and Tumblr is dead.
So, what's left to say, it's been a HELL of a year. and yes, I mean literal hell. (am I being too pessimistic?)
Am I talking like an old man?
I looked back on the first year anniversary of this blog, 5 years ago, and saw how eager I was to be 23. to be honest a hardly feel more than 25 sometimes when I'm almost 30 (28.5 now but eh).
So, what have I been up to in the year and a half since my last post? Well aside from Rio still being dead and me still being Ace and Polyam, eh, actually a lot.
Personally, I've grown a lot. I still get sad when I remember losing Rio, as I do when I think of all those who I have lost, but those memories have a fondness to them. I have matured a lot and have learned much better ways to communicate, and how to set better boundaries for myself (through lots of trail and error but eh, who's counting). I've learned to assert myself and just exist as who I am because I want to (and I'm too tired to do anything else). I've learned to let go. I've learned to hold on to what matters most to me. I've learned how to be mad. But, in the end, I'm still me.
Now that the introspective piece is out of the way, how about some tangible changes?
Well, since I hated it so much, I finally fled the post office. It really wasn't a good fit for me. And after rear ending someone (very gently, no injuries) with a postal truck and having the whole thing just go nowhere, I couldn't do it anymore. Seeing the country side was nice, but I needed to be free. So I went back to driving rideshare for a while (until they kicked me off for the PO accident/points lost on my licence, but its fine cause I hated rideshare), and working at the hospital as much as I could, that kinda sums up what I was doing. I only NOW got full-time at the hospital back in July, and life has been great ever since. I really like this place, and the people here. I've started doing art commissions to help with bills here and there, but for the most part I've just been working on my personal art/writing. I can't say much but it's out there, and I'm working on the art as much as I can while still continuing the story. I feel very accomplished in that way. go me.
Well, how about family matters? how has that changed? well, for one, hold on until tomorrow and you'll find out the good stuff. Let's see... After losing Rio, things were quiet for a while. My mom's health had been struggling especially last year and at the start of this year she discovered she had breast cancer. She fought a valiant battle over the spring and summer and conquered it completely! It was stressful for a while but she never gave up. I'm glad she made it through. She also still has a lot of other health issues but we'll face those as they come. However, we did experience some tragedy during the summer. During one of the last sessions of chemo, her loyal friend and companion, a cat named Rabbit (India, technically) ended up having some ongoing heart problems and eventually had to be let go. However, Rabbit could not have picked a better time to say goodbye, since my sister had come in for a visit during that week. we all got a chance to be there for each other and it was really beautiful, as sad as that all is.
On the subject of cats, in the beginning of June, my mom and I went to go see the Elton John movie. we stopped at petco to pick up some things and ended up peeking over to the cats available for adoption. That's when I saw him. Looking back from the other side of the glass was a beautiful tabby boy, and of course, I wanted to cry. It hadn't even been a full year since we lost Rio and every little thing reminded me of him. Here was this baby (he was listed as 4 years old but he is a certified baby, trust me, I know), and I couldn't stop thinking about him. I sent a picture to my editor and he vetoed the idea of adopting the cat since we still had 6 others in the house. It's the responsible thing to do. However I asked him to think it over, and he did. He agreed to meet the boy in person and immediately caved. He still struggles with Rio's loss more than I do, and as painful as it was we felt relieved to see another tabby face again.
Then, there was a sign. When Rio would feel like the catboxes weren't cleaned to his standard, he would just poop right outside of them. he did that for years and we got used to it. Now, here was this little tabby boy trying to use the catbox in front of us, and failing miserably. He ended up going right out of the box and we just laughed. this baby was carrying on Rio's legacy, we HAD to get him. We got a chance to play with him out of the cage and it was all over from there. We applied for the adoption papers and waited a few days for them to respond. On Sunday, while we were at my mom's house (I forget why), I got the call. They asked me about all our cats and why we wanted another and I was honest. Then they said we were approved and we immediately went to go get him.The name the rescue group gave him was Dax, and while it's cute, it didn't have that DIGNITAS that we were looking for. To carry on Rio's legacy, we named him Fluvius, latin for river.
This poor baby wanted out of that cage SO BAD my goodness. It wasn't much better being crammed in a small box for the car ride home, so I let him peek his head out and hold on to me as we drove. I think it helped. Now, remember when I said I KNEW that he was baby? As SOON as we brought the box with Fluvi in, all the other cats were like "WTF is this?" but they didn't really seem to be bothered by him. All the girls just kind of regarded him and went about their day, while Momo (the roommate's cat) was VERY INTERESTED in this new friend. At first, Momo just hissed (something he usually doesn't do), then he spent the rest of the time lurking just out of view to keep an eye on him. Poor Fluvi was so scared, he was clearly overwhelmed by all the things and all the new faces. We didn't see the need to lock him in the bathroom for the night since the other cats didn't care about him, so I settled him right next to the bed in an emptied shelf (I cleared out a cubby for Moose to sleep in after she had to get dental surgery in May, and THAT was it's own thing. She's doing great now), and settled the new baby right in. He woke me up a lot by hissing every time he saw Momo peeking at him from the foot of the bed but it was an easy night.
He was still shy of the other cats and of the big house, but seemed to be adjusting okay. I went to grab a burger for lunch and ended up sharing it with him. this was a mistake. Now every time ANY of us have food, Fluvi has to be there and wants some. I, of course, always give him some cause I like to spoil my babies. and it's any wonder that in the last 6 months he's doubled in size. Jumping back thou, it took a little time, but by the end of the second night, Momo and Fluvi were playing. They have been inseparable since. It also helped having another tabby around the house again. It really helped ease my pain by the time Rio's death anniversary came by, and of course, Fluvi isn't Rio. they are two different individuals, but Fluvi carries on Rio's legacy very well.
Well, now that I've ranted about cat's a bunch, you'd think I'd be done, right?
WRONG
SO... the day before we lost Rabbit, I went to go get another tattoo (one of Majin Buu on my left arm. it looks amazing). THAT NIGHT, I went out for karaoke with my roommate and my sister, and on the way home my roommate stopped by the gas station down a ways from our house. along the street I saw a little white cat who looked like they were looking for food. they had no collar and weighed practically nothing! I spent HOURS trying to hunt this baby down, and eventually gave up after I failed to get the cat into the roommate's car (she started the engine too soon and spooked the baby). Once I got home, I just couldn't feel okay with leaving that cat. So I went back out with a can of cat food and tried my luck again. However, I met another cat along the way and offered them some food, but in the end they weren't interested and just walked away. big cat. clearly well taken care of. However, this little thing peeked their head back out and was VERY interested in the food. after a struggle, I managed to capture the little white cat and take them home.
Now, here's the part I tell you that I fed her for a few days and then found her a good home, but that's not how this goes. None of my friends could take this little spicy baby. She (discovered she was a girl) was probably feral and did not like being cooped up or messed with. Once She got used to people and used to being fed, she started being less hostile. Still didn't like the other cats. however, Fluvi really liked her. after enough time we let her out to roam the house (got her shots too). She keeps to herself but hangs with the boys mostly. Now, we got her spayed and though we still need a good home for her, she is an accepted part of the household. She's really chilled out too. Likes headpats and kisses, and will tolerate being held for a maximum of 30 seconds. It's progress.
Let's see, what's left? I think I'm done talking about cats, but we'll see. The rest of the year was just that. Work, personal stuff, and cats. Sure, I did some cool things, like ride a train. I've had the privilege of having some wonderful friends who I've kept in touch with over the years. I know I'll make many more as time goes on too.
It's hard to think that it's been a full 10 years since I graduated high school. It's remarkable how much can change in a decade. I know I'll be saying the same thing in another 10 years, and so on. I'm not much of the sentimental type, but I do get lost in thought about it. Over all, I am hopeful. I can't help but be an optimist about things.
Well, see y'all next year.
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